It has been awhile since I last posted. Alot of that has been due to my busy schedule - some it being that I have been contemplating the comment that was last left on my blog. I have contemplated exactly how and if I would respond. I have contemplated exactly how to phrase what it is that I want to get across to not only the person that posted but also to everyone else.
Trust me - a response is coming. Not really a response - more like a stating of what is on my heart and what I find to be true - regardless of what anyone else thinks. It's something that I have to do - and will do - as soon as I collect my scattered and torn thoughts. It may be contradicting when it comes out but I am sure the irony will not be lost.
until then.........
Monday, December 13, 2004
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Reply to comment
I feel like I should respond to a comment that was left a couple of days ago. The comment said that I was contradictory amongst other things. I would like to take a couple of minutes and reply back to that person and anyone else who might be thinking the same thing.
True that my blog is called - Ravished. True that my blog’s subtitle is “The heart longs for pursuit. A pursuit after God. To be like His son. To walk in His ways. The question is how hard will I pursue and will I pursue at all?”
There is no denying that.
It was said that my life is filled with irony - if one only knew how much truth there is in that statement. But to come to think about it - isn’t everybody’s life filled with irony? Aren’t we all just a stumbling, mumbling, bumbling ball of confusion and irony? My life has always been full of irony. The dictionary defines irony (among other definitions) as “Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs” - reading that - I will definitely agree that my life is full of irony. I am expected to read my bible - to pray - to go to church - to do all these “righteousness earning” deeds. But yes I have found in the last month or so (having struggled with this for longer) that it does not “actually occur.” I feel like most of us are like that - struggling with what is expected and what actually occurs. I believe that is the great irony of the Christian walk - we are always falling despite the call to us to be holy just as He is holy.
My life has been tattered and bruised by the marks of disease. If I had to put words around this struggle, it would be Severe Depression - although there is much more to it. This disease that I constantly battle is a living hell. Like it or not - that is the truth. Although my heart longs to be ravished by God and to constantly pursue Him - the truth is that I am often sidetracked and yes even ravished by this depression and all that goes with it. The truth is that we are all ravished - by something or in most cases many things. I have been in a constant pursuit to be ravished by God - but I must admit that I have never been solely ravished by Him - nor do I think that there will ever be a time in my life where this will be - until the day that I am finally with Him.
Overboard? Yes that does seem to be a vein that runs in the body of this ragamuffin. Fortunately, this going overboard can often be a blessing. But you are right - it can often be a curse as well. I have a heart that says its either all or nothing at all. That is my heart - full of passion - whether it be right or wrong remains unseen.
Pursuing God. Resting in God. I am not sure that I see the problem here. I don’t see these as two enemies but more like two long time friends who often come along with each other. When I say pursue - I am not sure what is going through your mind or what you interpret that to mean. Your words make me think that you think it is a bad thing. I sure hope not - it was Jesus who said follow me. It was Jesus who said all that shall come after me - it was…..well I could go on. My heart must constantly pursue Him and His glory - just as I am to rest in Him and His everlasting love. I don’t think resting in God is wrong - I just don’t think that it is all there is to this God thing.
I am sorry that my life is a contradiction and full of irony. But it is. It will probably always be that way. However, I do believe that if you would look just a little closer - you would see your life full of irony as well. But then again - maybe not.
Until then.........
True that my blog is called - Ravished. True that my blog’s subtitle is “The heart longs for pursuit. A pursuit after God. To be like His son. To walk in His ways. The question is how hard will I pursue and will I pursue at all?”
There is no denying that.
It was said that my life is filled with irony - if one only knew how much truth there is in that statement. But to come to think about it - isn’t everybody’s life filled with irony? Aren’t we all just a stumbling, mumbling, bumbling ball of confusion and irony? My life has always been full of irony. The dictionary defines irony (among other definitions) as “Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs” - reading that - I will definitely agree that my life is full of irony. I am expected to read my bible - to pray - to go to church - to do all these “righteousness earning” deeds. But yes I have found in the last month or so (having struggled with this for longer) that it does not “actually occur.” I feel like most of us are like that - struggling with what is expected and what actually occurs. I believe that is the great irony of the Christian walk - we are always falling despite the call to us to be holy just as He is holy.
My life has been tattered and bruised by the marks of disease. If I had to put words around this struggle, it would be Severe Depression - although there is much more to it. This disease that I constantly battle is a living hell. Like it or not - that is the truth. Although my heart longs to be ravished by God and to constantly pursue Him - the truth is that I am often sidetracked and yes even ravished by this depression and all that goes with it. The truth is that we are all ravished - by something or in most cases many things. I have been in a constant pursuit to be ravished by God - but I must admit that I have never been solely ravished by Him - nor do I think that there will ever be a time in my life where this will be - until the day that I am finally with Him.
Overboard? Yes that does seem to be a vein that runs in the body of this ragamuffin. Fortunately, this going overboard can often be a blessing. But you are right - it can often be a curse as well. I have a heart that says its either all or nothing at all. That is my heart - full of passion - whether it be right or wrong remains unseen.
Pursuing God. Resting in God. I am not sure that I see the problem here. I don’t see these as two enemies but more like two long time friends who often come along with each other. When I say pursue - I am not sure what is going through your mind or what you interpret that to mean. Your words make me think that you think it is a bad thing. I sure hope not - it was Jesus who said follow me. It was Jesus who said all that shall come after me - it was…..well I could go on. My heart must constantly pursue Him and His glory - just as I am to rest in Him and His everlasting love. I don’t think resting in God is wrong - I just don’t think that it is all there is to this God thing.
I am sorry that my life is a contradiction and full of irony. But it is. It will probably always be that way. However, I do believe that if you would look just a little closer - you would see your life full of irony as well. But then again - maybe not.
Until then.........
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Dreams......
Well thought that I would leave you with another one of my "works" - until next time
At times - dreams
Seem
To fade
Like the closing of the day.
They come and go
Easy to stray.
These elusive dreams fade
Away
Leaving them for you to recreate.
There is no way
To make
Them remain
So you’re left to pretend
That they will never end.
You begin
To befriend
Thoughts to comprehend
Of when
You will again
Formulate more dreams and then
Contend
To defend
The new hopes that are born within.
You fear that they too
Will flee from you
Then what will you do?
Will you pursue
To renew
Your views
Or choose
To lose
Or refuse
To continue.
Dreams can be such a funny game.
They can bring fame
Or shame
Upon your name.
You wonder if they are in vain
And ascertain
Whether disdain
Is part of the gain.
You try to maintain
Some kind of vision
That keeps you wishing
And reminiscing
For dreams that have been
On your mind every now and again.
At times - dreams
Seem
To fade
Like the closing of the day.
They come and go
Easy to stray.
These elusive dreams fade
Away
Leaving them for you to recreate.
There is no way
To make
Them remain
So you’re left to pretend
That they will never end.
You begin
To befriend
Thoughts to comprehend
Of when
You will again
Formulate more dreams and then
Contend
To defend
The new hopes that are born within.
You fear that they too
Will flee from you
Then what will you do?
Will you pursue
To renew
Your views
Or choose
To lose
Or refuse
To continue.
Dreams can be such a funny game.
They can bring fame
Or shame
Upon your name.
You wonder if they are in vain
And ascertain
Whether disdain
Is part of the gain.
You try to maintain
Some kind of vision
That keeps you wishing
And reminiscing
For dreams that have been
On your mind every now and again.
Friday, December 03, 2004
It's almost unbelivable that this year is almost over. It just seems like we started a new year. For me - maybe a new year will bring better fortune. Maybe it will bring forth opportunities to grow and be enriched and to finally have some peace. At least that is the substance of my hopes and dreams. If, by some chance, that doesn't happen - then I know that next year will be hell. This year has been hell. My survival is nothing short of remarkable, if not miracolous. I never thought I would be looking at a new year. Negativity you might say - reality I claim.
I am still semi-excited about school. I have tried to put less pressure on this program being my savior. I have dabbled in other interests and that has shown me that my life doesn't have to be planned out. Still, there is apprehension. An uneasy feeling arises everytime I have to think about it - or just the fact of going on. I hope that the intellectual challenge will be stimulating enough for me to keep me on my toes. Not that I am smart or anything - I just have a problem focusing if something is not challenging or interesting. I think that it is this intense focus that both drives me and pulls me down. Resa and I have both noticed it lately. I think that is why I am either 150% or 0%. Sometimes that can be such a blessing - other times it because a fault.
I know I have been posting a lot of "poetry" lately. It just seems every time I open my mouth - these words come out. I find myself mentally putting lines together. I was going to post a poem today but I am forcing myself to type this instead. My creativity has been another blessing/curse for me. My creativity often inspires me and challenges me - both of which I always can use. But sometimes - my creativity can bring out the perfectionist that I am and causes me to push too hard. But i will say that this burst of artistic creativity has been quite enjoyable.
Well....i guess I am gone for now....until then........
I am still semi-excited about school. I have tried to put less pressure on this program being my savior. I have dabbled in other interests and that has shown me that my life doesn't have to be planned out. Still, there is apprehension. An uneasy feeling arises everytime I have to think about it - or just the fact of going on. I hope that the intellectual challenge will be stimulating enough for me to keep me on my toes. Not that I am smart or anything - I just have a problem focusing if something is not challenging or interesting. I think that it is this intense focus that both drives me and pulls me down. Resa and I have both noticed it lately. I think that is why I am either 150% or 0%. Sometimes that can be such a blessing - other times it because a fault.
I know I have been posting a lot of "poetry" lately. It just seems every time I open my mouth - these words come out. I find myself mentally putting lines together. I was going to post a poem today but I am forcing myself to type this instead. My creativity has been another blessing/curse for me. My creativity often inspires me and challenges me - both of which I always can use. But sometimes - my creativity can bring out the perfectionist that I am and causes me to push too hard. But i will say that this burst of artistic creativity has been quite enjoyable.
Well....i guess I am gone for now....until then........
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Struggles....
my words come with a certain flow - not able to put together anything substantial - just these words:
It’s only when I contemplate
That I begin to recreate
The workings of this mind state
that’s passionate to escalate
This fiery rage and hate.
I try to run and break
From this fate
I begin to anticipate
And wait
For something to alleviate
Or take
Away
This incessant heartache.
Freedom never comes fast
And may not last
Past
Tomorrow
But who knows?
I’ll never show
My inner pain -
My hidden shame
Claims
My brain.
Will things ever be the same?
They claim
It won’t always rain
But they can’t explain
How I am supposed to maintain -
Hoping that all this is not in vain -
Trying hard not to hold my life in disdain.
I try to refrain
But it appears that I am insane.
What an emotional strain.
Faced with a deathly
Enemy
Who will never flee
Till he sees
The end of me.
I try to fight and ride
On - but all I do is collide
I wish that I’d
Had a friend in which to confide.
I take a stride
Only to realize
That I am tied
By my lack of pride.
I decide
That I might
As well
Tell
Everyone worldwide
You can’t count the tears that I cried.
I try
To choose a side
Of this war I’m in.
I finally understand
I’m not going to win.
So then
I begin
To pretend
That I apprehend
This struggle within.
I break down and ask when -
When
When will it ever end?
It’s only when I contemplate
That I begin to recreate
The workings of this mind state
that’s passionate to escalate
This fiery rage and hate.
I try to run and break
From this fate
I begin to anticipate
And wait
For something to alleviate
Or take
Away
This incessant heartache.
Freedom never comes fast
And may not last
Past
Tomorrow
But who knows?
I’ll never show
My inner pain -
My hidden shame
Claims
My brain.
Will things ever be the same?
They claim
It won’t always rain
But they can’t explain
How I am supposed to maintain -
Hoping that all this is not in vain -
Trying hard not to hold my life in disdain.
I try to refrain
But it appears that I am insane.
What an emotional strain.
Faced with a deathly
Enemy
Who will never flee
Till he sees
The end of me.
I try to fight and ride
On - but all I do is collide
I wish that I’d
Had a friend in which to confide.
I take a stride
Only to realize
That I am tied
By my lack of pride.
I decide
That I might
As well
Tell
Everyone worldwide
You can’t count the tears that I cried.
I try
To choose a side
Of this war I’m in.
I finally understand
I’m not going to win.
So then
I begin
To pretend
That I apprehend
This struggle within.
I break down and ask when -
When
When will it ever end?
Monday, November 29, 2004
Some more......
Decided to post this - I wrote it last night.....let me know what you think.....hopefully - soon i will be able to get back to some more topical posts........until then.......
Inspection of the hidden soul
brings forth eradication
of complete control.
Out of desperation
I frantically search for a place to go
Where no one knows
My story or role.
Gradually
I begin to see
Things that you would never believe.
I try to leave –
Run and flee
cause being free
Is never guaranteed.
I proceed
With heed
Contemplating the real need.
Overcome – feeling hopeless
All this stress
Has got me losing focus
Not sure who to trust –
Caution is a must.
A traveled less road
Is what I am on
Trepidation has got me slowed
I am afraid – I don’t know
If I’ll implode
Or if distension will make me explode.
I’m constantly loosing sleep
But when I do – my dreams are deep
Screaming for peace
But that’s a promise I can’t keep.
My eyes get watery – I begin to weep
Wondering why all this is happening to me
I’m going crazy –
Hoping soon – maybe
I’ll be free
From this animosity,
Pain and misery
That will never let me –
Be.
Inspection of the hidden soul
brings forth eradication
of complete control.
Out of desperation
I frantically search for a place to go
Where no one knows
My story or role.
Gradually
I begin to see
Things that you would never believe.
I try to leave –
Run and flee
cause being free
Is never guaranteed.
I proceed
With heed
Contemplating the real need.
Overcome – feeling hopeless
All this stress
Has got me losing focus
Not sure who to trust –
Caution is a must.
A traveled less road
Is what I am on
Trepidation has got me slowed
I am afraid – I don’t know
If I’ll implode
Or if distension will make me explode.
I’m constantly loosing sleep
But when I do – my dreams are deep
Screaming for peace
But that’s a promise I can’t keep.
My eyes get watery – I begin to weep
Wondering why all this is happening to me
I’m going crazy –
Hoping soon – maybe
I’ll be free
From this animosity,
Pain and misery
That will never let me –
Be.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Long time no talk....
Well it has been a couple of days since I last blogged. That has been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it gave me some time to rethink some things and for me to look at some different ideas that I have been having. A curse because I missed my daily interaction with you and missed my creative output.
Things have been pretty normal around here as far as events go. Nothing spectacular. Me - well that is another story....I am not sure how i feel nor how I will feel. I wrote a poem to express where I am today.......
As time slowly goes
My mind slowly grows
Closed
No one knows
My addiction to the trauma
Story played out like a drama
Not knowing if its fiction or for real
Hands from my eyes full of tears
Contemplating all my fears
Not sure how I really feel.
In all honesty
I can’t picture me
Without the animosity,
The pain and the misery
Its all killing me –
When will I ever be free?
Inspiration deceives
Often conceives
And breeds
Greed.
I wonder if my enemies
Wish I wouldn’t breathe
Which leads
To reprieves
For me.
I can’t see
Or believe
All the pain inside
My life
It feels like I died
And none of it can I confide
To anyone – don’t know why.
But I try
To carry on
Despite feeling all alone
With everyone long
Gone.
I’m done.
I’m through –
Don’t know what else to do
I always lose
It’s not something I choose
No matter how its construed.
No time after – no time before
Life appears nothing but a closed door
Or
Maybe war
Filled with blood and gore.
All my heart I pour
Until nothings left –
I can give no more.
I know some of you don't like poetry - and that is ok. However - this is the best way for me to tell you how I feel. Like it or not....it is real.
until next time....
Things have been pretty normal around here as far as events go. Nothing spectacular. Me - well that is another story....I am not sure how i feel nor how I will feel. I wrote a poem to express where I am today.......
As time slowly goes
My mind slowly grows
Closed
No one knows
My addiction to the trauma
Story played out like a drama
Not knowing if its fiction or for real
Hands from my eyes full of tears
Contemplating all my fears
Not sure how I really feel.
In all honesty
I can’t picture me
Without the animosity,
The pain and the misery
Its all killing me –
When will I ever be free?
Inspiration deceives
Often conceives
And breeds
Greed.
I wonder if my enemies
Wish I wouldn’t breathe
Which leads
To reprieves
For me.
I can’t see
Or believe
All the pain inside
My life
It feels like I died
And none of it can I confide
To anyone – don’t know why.
But I try
To carry on
Despite feeling all alone
With everyone long
Gone.
I’m done.
I’m through –
Don’t know what else to do
I always lose
It’s not something I choose
No matter how its construed.
No time after – no time before
Life appears nothing but a closed door
Or
Maybe war
Filled with blood and gore.
All my heart I pour
Until nothings left –
I can give no more.
I know some of you don't like poetry - and that is ok. However - this is the best way for me to tell you how I feel. Like it or not....it is real.
until next time....
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Thanksgiving...
Well its that wonderful time of the year. The time when holidays come as often as cold mornings and food is as plentiful as the chills that run down your spine. Today is the day that we traditionally call Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving has never really been a big deal to me. My family has never had a major tradition involving this day. Well, maybe we did when Mom was alive but I don't really remember. I know I miss her. I know my sister has a hard time around this time of the year. I am sure everybody else deals with it too.
Since there is no tradition for me to miss, I get to forge ahead with my own tradition. I guess that is what you call what me and Resa do. Sometimes we go somewhere (my dads/her parents) and sometimes we stay home and cook ourselves. I like it when we do that. I enjoy the time together and I enjoy knowing that I am doing what my Mom and Dad always did when I was little.
I got the bird cooking.....Resa is cooking the other stuff....so we are on our way to a nice Thanksgiving meal.
I hope all of you out there have a good one and God bless.......
Since there is no tradition for me to miss, I get to forge ahead with my own tradition. I guess that is what you call what me and Resa do. Sometimes we go somewhere (my dads/her parents) and sometimes we stay home and cook ourselves. I like it when we do that. I enjoy the time together and I enjoy knowing that I am doing what my Mom and Dad always did when I was little.
I got the bird cooking.....Resa is cooking the other stuff....so we are on our way to a nice Thanksgiving meal.
I hope all of you out there have a good one and God bless.......
Monday, November 22, 2004
well, it wasn't TOO bad
Well, my visit to the dentist was, well, it was interesting. The dentist told me that we could put some stuff on my two cracked teeth but first we must CLEAN THEM! I was really nervous considering this would be my first time for this dangerous and daring procedure. But I worked up enough courage to proceed with every caution.
First they brought out this motarized instrument and stuck it in my mouth. I must say that it was scary and dangerous, but I hung in there....barely. It was an experience, to say the least. She dug around on my teeth and in my gums, trying to defeat me in the opening round....but I persisted and remained strong. Stronger than her at least. She made my gums bleed and made me feel like she was grinding off my teeth.....but I out did her.
Next she took a sharp instrument and started stabbing me and picking my teeth trying to pry them out so that I would snap. Fortunately, my teeth like my mouth and so they were fighting back. After every attempt to dig my teeth out, she relented and put the sharp harpoon-like instrument back into its case.
Then it was time for the slow killer - a grainy like substance that was supposed to seal the deal. It actually tasted quite good - but I suppose that is to fool its prey. After many unsuccessful atempts.....she finally quit. She sprayed water on my teeth and gave me some potion to keep in my mouth for a whole minute - which I did.
And I am here. Alive. With all the teeth I had before - although the are a new color. If you consider white a color.
Until then....same tooth blog, same tooth time....
First they brought out this motarized instrument and stuck it in my mouth. I must say that it was scary and dangerous, but I hung in there....barely. It was an experience, to say the least. She dug around on my teeth and in my gums, trying to defeat me in the opening round....but I persisted and remained strong. Stronger than her at least. She made my gums bleed and made me feel like she was grinding off my teeth.....but I out did her.
Next she took a sharp instrument and started stabbing me and picking my teeth trying to pry them out so that I would snap. Fortunately, my teeth like my mouth and so they were fighting back. After every attempt to dig my teeth out, she relented and put the sharp harpoon-like instrument back into its case.
Then it was time for the slow killer - a grainy like substance that was supposed to seal the deal. It actually tasted quite good - but I suppose that is to fool its prey. After many unsuccessful atempts.....she finally quit. She sprayed water on my teeth and gave me some potion to keep in my mouth for a whole minute - which I did.
And I am here. Alive. With all the teeth I had before - although the are a new color. If you consider white a color.
Until then....same tooth blog, same tooth time....
Off to the dentist....
Well, I will be leaving in a few minutes to go to the dentist. That's right the dentist. I have two teeth (my two front ones) that are chipped. Not sure what happened but they are there nonetheless. I am hoping this will be quick, cheap, and easy. But we shall see....
I will let you know about my day and things on my mind when I get home tonight....
I will let you know about my day and things on my mind when I get home tonight....
Sunday, November 21, 2004
How I am feeling today...
Not really sure but this is how I am feeling today. A lot of this is feelings that I always have in me....feelings that just won't go away. But this is my post about how I am feeling today....
The misery of my mind state
Filled with so much strife and inner hate
Seeking to find some kind of calm state
This all seems like my eternal fate
I can’t wait
For things to be clearer
Can’t stand the man in the mirror
Tomorrow my only fear
What will I do with all this animosity
It’s killing me
Can’t you see?
But nobody realizes
The struggles haven’t subsided
They never will – so I cry
Reality and fiction collide
News saying I died
Somebody lied.
How long must I endure
I ain’t screaming for more
Just a cure
I feel like I have cancer – deep within
I can’t win
Is this a product of my sin?
I wish I had a friend –
To the end.
The misery of my mind state
Filled with so much strife and inner hate
Seeking to find some kind of calm state
This all seems like my eternal fate
I can’t wait
For things to be clearer
Can’t stand the man in the mirror
Tomorrow my only fear
What will I do with all this animosity
It’s killing me
Can’t you see?
But nobody realizes
The struggles haven’t subsided
They never will – so I cry
Reality and fiction collide
News saying I died
Somebody lied.
How long must I endure
I ain’t screaming for more
Just a cure
I feel like I have cancer – deep within
I can’t win
Is this a product of my sin?
I wish I had a friend –
To the end.
Friday, November 19, 2004
My Project......
Well, I wanted to tease you with what I have been working on for the last, oh, couple of weeks, with more emphasis this past week. You see I am working a project that deals with........are you ready........are you sure......well it deals with........me! I know, I know, you thought I was going to share something really juicy with you, didn't you? Well, I did. I let you in on the fact that I am working on something very important to me. It involves me, something I enjoy, and a job (hopefully). We'll see. Right now I am doing a lot of background work and research. I have put around 40 hours in recently just for this project. I am actually really, really excited.
I will fill you in on the full details as soon as I get some of them laid out. But I will say that this fills one of my dreams in life. We'll see how it goes and how long it lasts. (Pray that this is successful and that it lasts for as long as I want it to, and longer.)
until next time.........
I will fill you in on the full details as soon as I get some of them laid out. But I will say that this fills one of my dreams in life. We'll see how it goes and how long it lasts. (Pray that this is successful and that it lasts for as long as I want it to, and longer.)
until next time.........
From another blog......
Read this from another blog - I thought it was funny - maybe I have a warped sense of humor....
Conversation between my 8 1/2 year old son and my 88 year old Grandma.
Ethan: Hey, granny, what did you do with my super suit
Granny: I don't know, what supersuit
Ethan: You know woman, my super hero supersuit
Granny: I don't know what you are talking about Julian (Julian is my uncle that passed away last May)
Ethan: Woman, get with the program, I need my supersuit. ARGHH You just don't understand that I need that supersuit.
And off he runs to his bedroom, supposedly to look for his supersuit.
The next thing I know they are watching Spongebob Square Pants together and granny is laughing harder than Ethan.
Conversation between my 8 1/2 year old son and my 88 year old Grandma.
Ethan: Hey, granny, what did you do with my super suit
Granny: I don't know, what supersuit
Ethan: You know woman, my super hero supersuit
Granny: I don't know what you are talking about Julian (Julian is my uncle that passed away last May)
Ethan: Woman, get with the program, I need my supersuit. ARGHH You just don't understand that I need that supersuit.
And off he runs to his bedroom, supposedly to look for his supersuit.
The next thing I know they are watching Spongebob Square Pants together and granny is laughing harder than Ethan.
The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth....
I have noticed that for the most part, depression is not taken that serious. Whenever someone finds out that I deal with depression, they almost automatically say something like: "yeah me too" or "yeah I have been through that as well" or "I understand, we all go through it at one point or another."
I don't have a problem going through the same things that I go through. Actually, it is quite refreshing to talk to people who have experienced the things that I have experienced and continue to experience. However, I seriously doubt that these folks have really been through what I have been through. If people knew the things that I have done and the struggles that I have been through......I think that they would back off of their statement and if they were honest, they would probably say something like "you are one messed up dude." Which, I guess for the most part, is the truth.
I am serious here. I really get perturbed whenever someone says to me that "we've all been there before." I mean it really, well I will just say that it makes me really really mad. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has a clue the things that I go through. I don't try to explain it because I know that most won't understand or can't understand or would be judgmental. But I guess that is what "friends" are for.
In my life, I have been diagnosed with oh, about 4-5 different things. The docs are to the point where they tell me that they just don't know anymore. They tell me that we must focus on the treatment and not the diagnosis. I agree. BUT, I must say that it really sucks knowing that I am so messed up that they can't figure out what it is. Just think how that would make you feel. "We know something is wrong, but we don't know what it is." Anyways, I guess that is the way it is supposed to be.
Sometimes I really want to tell people that it is not just depression that I deal with. I want to tell them that I have been diagnosed 4-5 times and they really don't know what the deal is. I want to tell them that I have been in the hospital at least 6 times in my life because of all this. I want to tell them that what kinds of medicine I have been on and the kinds I am now taking. I want to tell them some of my thoughts. (Talking about a horror movie) But I don't. I guess I prefer the nice clean cliches to the gasps and the misunderstandings that the truth would bring.
I mean, what would you do? What would you say? How would you respond?
It's a hard question......
I don't have a problem going through the same things that I go through. Actually, it is quite refreshing to talk to people who have experienced the things that I have experienced and continue to experience. However, I seriously doubt that these folks have really been through what I have been through. If people knew the things that I have done and the struggles that I have been through......I think that they would back off of their statement and if they were honest, they would probably say something like "you are one messed up dude." Which, I guess for the most part, is the truth.
I am serious here. I really get perturbed whenever someone says to me that "we've all been there before." I mean it really, well I will just say that it makes me really really mad. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has a clue the things that I go through. I don't try to explain it because I know that most won't understand or can't understand or would be judgmental. But I guess that is what "friends" are for.
In my life, I have been diagnosed with oh, about 4-5 different things. The docs are to the point where they tell me that they just don't know anymore. They tell me that we must focus on the treatment and not the diagnosis. I agree. BUT, I must say that it really sucks knowing that I am so messed up that they can't figure out what it is. Just think how that would make you feel. "We know something is wrong, but we don't know what it is." Anyways, I guess that is the way it is supposed to be.
Sometimes I really want to tell people that it is not just depression that I deal with. I want to tell them that I have been diagnosed 4-5 times and they really don't know what the deal is. I want to tell them that I have been in the hospital at least 6 times in my life because of all this. I want to tell them that what kinds of medicine I have been on and the kinds I am now taking. I want to tell them some of my thoughts. (Talking about a horror movie) But I don't. I guess I prefer the nice clean cliches to the gasps and the misunderstandings that the truth would bring.
I mean, what would you do? What would you say? How would you respond?
It's a hard question......
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Short post
Well today is going to be a long one. I only slept around 4 1/2 hours last night. I didn't go to bed till 4:30 and even then I wasn't sleepy. I imagine I will be run down by this evening. Resa has a game tonight so that will keep me busy - a good thing - till later.
Today, I am going to a funeral. One of my closest friends, Chris, lost his mother to a brain tumor this week. I am praying for him and I hope that you will pray for him too. He has a lot going on with the cancer surgery and now with this. He is strong and a source of inspiration for me. I have been through this before and I hope that I can be whatever he needs me to be.
Pray for him!
Well, I am running late as usual........so off I go.........
look for a post this evening sometime.......i might let you in on my new "project" i am working on....
Today, I am going to a funeral. One of my closest friends, Chris, lost his mother to a brain tumor this week. I am praying for him and I hope that you will pray for him too. He has a lot going on with the cancer surgery and now with this. He is strong and a source of inspiration for me. I have been through this before and I hope that I can be whatever he needs me to be.
Pray for him!
Well, I am running late as usual........so off I go.........
look for a post this evening sometime.......i might let you in on my new "project" i am working on....
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
I liked this post.....
Was doing my normal reading for the night on the different blogs that I normally check and I ran into this. I really like this blog called - Captain Sacrament.
Go check out the post I am talking about here: Click Here.
Go check out the blog here: Click Here.
Go check out the post I am talking about here: Click Here.
Go check out the blog here: Click Here.
Words with no rhyme or reason
Words with no rhyme or reason - let me know what you think:
The beauty of life under siege
Honestly
I can’t believe
The outcome of faded dreams
You see
It’s been harder and harder, through all this pain
Will I survive in this death game
I have no shame
Casualties of fame
All my homies think I am insane
I might be, but nobody knows and who really cares
It’s so hard and it sure ain’t fair –
But thats neither here nor there
I got to roll on
And be strong
It won’t be long –
Till we’re all gone
But what if I am all wrong?
What will I do –
To make it through
The next day
So many things I wanted to do
And wanted to say
Before my judgment day.
I’m so sick of trying –
He’s offering – but I ain’t buying –
Fear of life got me crying –
If I said I didn’t think of it – I’d be lying
I feel like I am slowly dying –
Waiting for the end of time.
This death game is a hard bout
It leaves me with all kinds of doubt –
I thought I was strong, I thought I was stout
Humility has left me with no clout
Until it’s time – I’m out
The beauty of life under siege
Honestly
I can’t believe
The outcome of faded dreams
You see
It’s been harder and harder, through all this pain
Will I survive in this death game
I have no shame
Casualties of fame
All my homies think I am insane
I might be, but nobody knows and who really cares
It’s so hard and it sure ain’t fair –
But thats neither here nor there
I got to roll on
And be strong
It won’t be long –
Till we’re all gone
But what if I am all wrong?
What will I do –
To make it through
The next day
So many things I wanted to do
And wanted to say
Before my judgment day.
I’m so sick of trying –
He’s offering – but I ain’t buying –
Fear of life got me crying –
If I said I didn’t think of it – I’d be lying
I feel like I am slowly dying –
Waiting for the end of time.
This death game is a hard bout
It leaves me with all kinds of doubt –
I thought I was strong, I thought I was stout
Humility has left me with no clout
Until it’s time – I’m out
Real Live Preacher - Part 2
Today, Real Live Preacher has part two of his story up. If you haven't read part one yet, scroll down and find the link from a couple of days ago - I think Monday.
This guy has a way of putting a different spin on biblical stories. This might not be the way it happened, but it sure is fun reading it and imagining it.
Check it out at: Real Live Preacher
This guy has a way of putting a different spin on biblical stories. This might not be the way it happened, but it sure is fun reading it and imagining it.
Check it out at: Real Live Preacher
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Christian Singer with questioning heart
This article is about Christian singer/songwriter Chris Rice. Usually, I hold most CCM singers in a special category - labeled Christian Sub-Culture. Now I know that not all of the CCM singers are in this "Christian ghetto" but for the most part, most are. I won't take the time to list the exceptions - hopefully you can see them for yourself.
Chris Rice is a special breed. He doesn't fall into the typical "ghetto" category. His songwriting abilities are exceptionally phenomenal. He doesn't write all these "feel - good" songs, but writes songs for those who may be questioning God. For those who are going through a hard time. For those who have lost their way on this journey called discipleship/life.
I was pleased to learn that Rice too has a questioning heart. To me, that makes a world of difference. To know that he struggles with things and is not afraid to write about it. It is refreshing.
Maybe I need to listen to some of his music. It might prove helpful.
Check out the article here.
until next time......
Chris Rice is a special breed. He doesn't fall into the typical "ghetto" category. His songwriting abilities are exceptionally phenomenal. He doesn't write all these "feel - good" songs, but writes songs for those who may be questioning God. For those who are going through a hard time. For those who have lost their way on this journey called discipleship/life.
I was pleased to learn that Rice too has a questioning heart. To me, that makes a world of difference. To know that he struggles with things and is not afraid to write about it. It is refreshing.
Maybe I need to listen to some of his music. It might prove helpful.
Check out the article here.
until next time......
Monday, November 15, 2004
Brennan Manning Interview
This interview is just what I needed to hear today. Actually, I think that this is what almost all of us needs to hear today and tomorrow and everyday.
Let me give you a little bit of the interview to wet your appetite....
Paula: What do you mean when you talk in Abba’s Child about “being loved in your sinfulness”?
Brennan: In some ways it’s about making peace with our brokenness as human beings who are made in His image but who woefully fall short. We somehow think that pop psychology or positive thinking or getting enough people to mirror back our lovableness is what will bring us to a place of self-acceptance. It doesn’t work that way.
Self-acceptance is the experience of salvation rooted in the acceptance of Jesus Christ on Calvary. And when we surrender with childlike confidence and trust that Jesus accepts us as we are--even in our sinfulness--that becomes the root of our own self-acceptance. Then, paradoxically, we are free to forget ourselves and turn our eyes toward Jesus and other people.
Good stuff eh? I will tell you that "Abba's Child" is probably one of my favorite and most influential books that I have ever read or even put my eyes on. The last time I read it, it changed my outlook and changed my life. Maybe I need to read it again.
To know that God loves me for who I am, right now - and not who I try to be, nor who I pretend to be - is one awesome and encouraging truth.
Oh, that we all may live in that truth. That we may savor it for all of its worth.
until next time.......
Let me give you a little bit of the interview to wet your appetite....
Paula: What do you mean when you talk in Abba’s Child about “being loved in your sinfulness”?
Brennan: In some ways it’s about making peace with our brokenness as human beings who are made in His image but who woefully fall short. We somehow think that pop psychology or positive thinking or getting enough people to mirror back our lovableness is what will bring us to a place of self-acceptance. It doesn’t work that way.
Self-acceptance is the experience of salvation rooted in the acceptance of Jesus Christ on Calvary. And when we surrender with childlike confidence and trust that Jesus accepts us as we are--even in our sinfulness--that becomes the root of our own self-acceptance. Then, paradoxically, we are free to forget ourselves and turn our eyes toward Jesus and other people.
Good stuff eh? I will tell you that "Abba's Child" is probably one of my favorite and most influential books that I have ever read or even put my eyes on. The last time I read it, it changed my outlook and changed my life. Maybe I need to read it again.
To know that God loves me for who I am, right now - and not who I try to be, nor who I pretend to be - is one awesome and encouraging truth.
Oh, that we all may live in that truth. That we may savor it for all of its worth.
until next time.......
Real Live Preacher
The following is one of the blogs that I check on a daily basis. Real Live Preacher is a blog that has a wide following throughout the internet world. It started out anonymous but now the author is outed. He has a new book out that is based on some of his writings.
Real Live Preacher has an awesome narrative on it today. Real Live Preacher takes Biblical stories and retells them in creative ways. No - he does not intend to be literal and NO - he does not mean to offend. He just hopes to add some creativity to the stories and put himself in the middle. I think he does a wonderful job. This story that he tells today does a good job of putting you in the middle.
Check out Real Live Preacher today!
Real Live Preacher has an awesome narrative on it today. Real Live Preacher takes Biblical stories and retells them in creative ways. No - he does not intend to be literal and NO - he does not mean to offend. He just hopes to add some creativity to the stories and put himself in the middle. I think he does a wonderful job. This story that he tells today does a good job of putting you in the middle.
Check out Real Live Preacher today!
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Are you there?
I was reading my friend's blog and he reminded me of something. Actually, he reminded me of someone. Brennan Manning. It is unbelievable how much influence Manning has had on my life. Although, I must admit that during the times of "the darkness of the soul" I usually forget everything that he has said.
I got my Abba's Child book out and started flipping through it. I glanced at the pages of the highlighted sections and read each quote, sentence, and paragraph. Some of his teachings began to be refreshed in my mind. Especially this one passage. It's actually very funny because this is the same passage that my friend quoted awhile back. I guess Manning touches everybody's life.
Wernersville, Pennsylvania, January 2, 1977 - Outside it's dark and below zero. That pretty well describes where I'm at inside. The opening night of an eight-day retreat and I'm filled with a sense of uneasiness, restlessness, even dread. Bone-weary and lonely. I can't connect two thoughts about God. Have abandoned any attempt at prayer: It seems too artificial. The few words spoken to God are forced and ring hollow in my empty soul. There is no joy being in His presence. An oppressive but vague feeling of guilt stirs within me. Somehow or other I have failed Him. Maybe pride and vanity have blinded me; maybe insensitivity to pain has hardened my heart. Is my life a disappointment to You? Are you grieved by the shallowness of my soul? Whatever, I 've lost You through my own fault and I am powerless to undo it...
What scares me the most is that this could be something that I would have written. Not just the idea behind it, but the whole thing, word for word. It scares me. The thoughts that this selection shares, scares the life out of me.
Right now, I can't connect two thoughts about God, and truth be told, I can't even conceive of one thought of God. It's almost like there is a great gulf between us in our communication. I attempt to think of Him and attempt to communicate with Him, but much like Manning, I find that my attempts are futile and full of failure. What can I do?
"Somehow or other I have failed Him.......Is this life a disappointment to you?" Manning proclaims in this honest and raw confession. It seems like to me the cry of my heart lately. I view myself as a complete failure - searching and trying to do something right only to find out that all that I have done has been in vain and without any level of success. It must be apparent how I have failed Him. I had to resign. I go through times of deep depression and thoughts that only "insane" people have. I don't talk with Him anymore. I don't read His word anymore. And for the most part, I don't want to. I must be a failure in His eyes. He must despise me instead of loving me. He must look upon me full of shame and disappointment. So much I could have done but now it all seems a waste. Look at what I could have been, but now it seems only wishful thinking. What can I do - I wonder.
"Whatever, I've lost you through my own fault and I am powerless to undo it...." You know, I look at all my struggles as my own fault. I think about all of the medicines that I have taken and that have not worked. No matter how good I have done, depression has always came back. I told my doctor yesterday that it appears like this is my weakness and not some illness. Maybe I just suck. Maybe I can't get better because maybe I am incapable and incompetent. If I was stronger or smarter or better or whatever, maybe things would get better. Maybe my life would be easier. Just maybe.
But deep down, it's some of Manning's words that I remember. In his book, he tells me that I am the beloved. AND I am that because of God's love not because of anything I have ever done. My praying and my reading and my falling and my imperfections do not alter God's faithful love.
The question is this, how can I know something deep down, yet not believe it? How can I truly know this yet it sounds like a foreign language to my soul?
Oh, that I might once again believe this. That I might once again take these words and hold them near and dear to this ragamuffin's heart. What, if anything, can I do?
What can I do?........
I got my Abba's Child book out and started flipping through it. I glanced at the pages of the highlighted sections and read each quote, sentence, and paragraph. Some of his teachings began to be refreshed in my mind. Especially this one passage. It's actually very funny because this is the same passage that my friend quoted awhile back. I guess Manning touches everybody's life.
Wernersville, Pennsylvania, January 2, 1977 - Outside it's dark and below zero. That pretty well describes where I'm at inside. The opening night of an eight-day retreat and I'm filled with a sense of uneasiness, restlessness, even dread. Bone-weary and lonely. I can't connect two thoughts about God. Have abandoned any attempt at prayer: It seems too artificial. The few words spoken to God are forced and ring hollow in my empty soul. There is no joy being in His presence. An oppressive but vague feeling of guilt stirs within me. Somehow or other I have failed Him. Maybe pride and vanity have blinded me; maybe insensitivity to pain has hardened my heart. Is my life a disappointment to You? Are you grieved by the shallowness of my soul? Whatever, I 've lost You through my own fault and I am powerless to undo it...
What scares me the most is that this could be something that I would have written. Not just the idea behind it, but the whole thing, word for word. It scares me. The thoughts that this selection shares, scares the life out of me.
Right now, I can't connect two thoughts about God, and truth be told, I can't even conceive of one thought of God. It's almost like there is a great gulf between us in our communication. I attempt to think of Him and attempt to communicate with Him, but much like Manning, I find that my attempts are futile and full of failure. What can I do?
"Somehow or other I have failed Him.......Is this life a disappointment to you?" Manning proclaims in this honest and raw confession. It seems like to me the cry of my heart lately. I view myself as a complete failure - searching and trying to do something right only to find out that all that I have done has been in vain and without any level of success. It must be apparent how I have failed Him. I had to resign. I go through times of deep depression and thoughts that only "insane" people have. I don't talk with Him anymore. I don't read His word anymore. And for the most part, I don't want to. I must be a failure in His eyes. He must despise me instead of loving me. He must look upon me full of shame and disappointment. So much I could have done but now it all seems a waste. Look at what I could have been, but now it seems only wishful thinking. What can I do - I wonder.
"Whatever, I've lost you through my own fault and I am powerless to undo it...." You know, I look at all my struggles as my own fault. I think about all of the medicines that I have taken and that have not worked. No matter how good I have done, depression has always came back. I told my doctor yesterday that it appears like this is my weakness and not some illness. Maybe I just suck. Maybe I can't get better because maybe I am incapable and incompetent. If I was stronger or smarter or better or whatever, maybe things would get better. Maybe my life would be easier. Just maybe.
But deep down, it's some of Manning's words that I remember. In his book, he tells me that I am the beloved. AND I am that because of God's love not because of anything I have ever done. My praying and my reading and my falling and my imperfections do not alter God's faithful love.
The question is this, how can I know something deep down, yet not believe it? How can I truly know this yet it sounds like a foreign language to my soul?
Oh, that I might once again believe this. That I might once again take these words and hold them near and dear to this ragamuffin's heart. What, if anything, can I do?
What can I do?........
Friday, November 12, 2004
I can relate....
Here are some lyrics that I heard yesterday.....lyrics that I definately can relate to. Maybe you can to:
A place to spend my quiet nights, time to unwind
So much pressure in this life of mine, I cry at times
I once contemplated suicide, and woulda tried
But when I held that 9, all I could see was my momma's eyes
No one knows my struggle, they only see the trouble
Not knowin it's hard to carry on when no one loves you
Picture me inside the misery of poverty
No man alive has ever witnessed struggles I survived
Prayin hard for better days, promise to hold on
Me and my dawgs ain't have a choice but to roll on
Why do these lyrics ring so true to me? Why can I relate to them? It seems to me that my life is full of these thoughts and feelings like this. I don't quite understand where they come from, but I do know that they are there. Oh and trust me, they are there. Weighing heavy, draining me of all energy and hope and love and just about everything else. I hate it. It seems one day everything can be fine and then the next day - life is hell again. I don't get it. I just don't get it. I thought things were on a upswing, but now I only see the process, making its rounds through my life.
I thought about posting some of my poetry that I have written when I have been "down." But after contemplating on that, I decided that the shock value would be too high for most of you and you would probably freak out. Too bad. It really reveals my inner struggles. However, I have another poem that I would like to share with you from a friend:
I Cry
Sometimes when I'm alone
I Cry,
Cause I am on my own.
The tears I cry are bitter and warm.
They flow with life but take no form
I Cry because my heart is torn.
I find it difficult to carry on.
If I had an ear to confiding,
I would cry among my treasured friend,
but who do you know that stops that long,
to help another carry on.
The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.
Then to stop and see what makes one cry,
so painful and sad.
And sometimes...
I Cry
and no one cares about why.
- Tupac Shakur
Make fun of me all you want for reading poetry by 2pac. Make fun of me all you want for listening to his music and proclaiming that behind Jesus, he has had the most impact on my life. Make fun all you want. Because you can not be this real. You can not write the words that he has written. You can not say things that echoe in my heart. He does - and he does it well.
This man was a lyrical genious. Like it or not - its the truth. I hope my poetry will one day speak to others that go through these times of hell. Maybe, just maybe, I will impact them like he has impacted me.
laugh if you want - but to me it's no laughing matter - it's life.......
A place to spend my quiet nights, time to unwind
So much pressure in this life of mine, I cry at times
I once contemplated suicide, and woulda tried
But when I held that 9, all I could see was my momma's eyes
No one knows my struggle, they only see the trouble
Not knowin it's hard to carry on when no one loves you
Picture me inside the misery of poverty
No man alive has ever witnessed struggles I survived
Prayin hard for better days, promise to hold on
Me and my dawgs ain't have a choice but to roll on
Why do these lyrics ring so true to me? Why can I relate to them? It seems to me that my life is full of these thoughts and feelings like this. I don't quite understand where they come from, but I do know that they are there. Oh and trust me, they are there. Weighing heavy, draining me of all energy and hope and love and just about everything else. I hate it. It seems one day everything can be fine and then the next day - life is hell again. I don't get it. I just don't get it. I thought things were on a upswing, but now I only see the process, making its rounds through my life.
I thought about posting some of my poetry that I have written when I have been "down." But after contemplating on that, I decided that the shock value would be too high for most of you and you would probably freak out. Too bad. It really reveals my inner struggles. However, I have another poem that I would like to share with you from a friend:
I Cry
Sometimes when I'm alone
I Cry,
Cause I am on my own.
The tears I cry are bitter and warm.
They flow with life but take no form
I Cry because my heart is torn.
I find it difficult to carry on.
If I had an ear to confiding,
I would cry among my treasured friend,
but who do you know that stops that long,
to help another carry on.
The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.
Then to stop and see what makes one cry,
so painful and sad.
And sometimes...
I Cry
and no one cares about why.
- Tupac Shakur
Make fun of me all you want for reading poetry by 2pac. Make fun of me all you want for listening to his music and proclaiming that behind Jesus, he has had the most impact on my life. Make fun all you want. Because you can not be this real. You can not write the words that he has written. You can not say things that echoe in my heart. He does - and he does it well.
This man was a lyrical genious. Like it or not - its the truth. I hope my poetry will one day speak to others that go through these times of hell. Maybe, just maybe, I will impact them like he has impacted me.
laugh if you want - but to me it's no laughing matter - it's life.......
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Modernism/Postmodernism....the definition
Modernism/Postmodernism Comparison Chart
I found this article, not too long ago, and thought that some of you might be interested in it. I know that it was very interesting to me. This article gives a brief overview of the differences between modernism and postmodernism. I found the first part dry but the chart was excellent giving both sides in a fairly accurate way. I really enjoy this conversation and find myself amazed at my modernist tendencies, while I am naturally postmodern.
Some of you might disagree with this. That is ok. You are allowed. I hereby, being the owner of this blog, give you permission to disagree with me. Ha, Ha. Isn't that funny.
For those of you who are not familiar with this modern/postmodern conversation, do a google search to see what you come up with. I could give you a summary, albeit a brief one, but I think that the discovery of this conversation is much funner than having everything explained to you. I know in my journey, I have learned the most whenever I have become self critical of the things in my life. I look back and see the role that the Enlightenment has played on both me and my theological biases.
Well, I guess I kinda let you in on part of this conversation. The Enlightenment had a huge role in the forming of this modernist mindset. You will find that it was during this period that a new "system" came into power. A system that has ruled Christianity and the rest of the world for years. But now, there is a new paradigm that is being ushered in. This paradigm or system is that of postmodernism. People are beginning to think differently than those of the modern system. Is all of it good? No. Is all of it bad? No. But I do believe, with all my heart, that we have allowed Christianity to be conformed to the modern way of thinking. And like I said, not that it is all bad. Cause it's not. Some of modernism has been helpful and useful. But whenever we start allowing our thought processes to control our theology then we have overstepped where God would want us to step.
This is a very interesting conversation. There are many sides to this and the sides are as diverse as the We Are The World video. There are plenty of pro/con articles out there for you to read. However, I reccomend you find an article that presents both sides or presents all of the argument, and then you pray, read your Bible and make a decision on your own. Refuse to let others think for you. Don't believe something just because some famous Christian believes it. Seek the Holy Spirit and He will lead.
Here are some links for you to check out:
Faith-Maps
Another comparison chart
Toward a Theological Understanding
Collection of Postmodern Links
until then.......
I found this article, not too long ago, and thought that some of you might be interested in it. I know that it was very interesting to me. This article gives a brief overview of the differences between modernism and postmodernism. I found the first part dry but the chart was excellent giving both sides in a fairly accurate way. I really enjoy this conversation and find myself amazed at my modernist tendencies, while I am naturally postmodern.
Some of you might disagree with this. That is ok. You are allowed. I hereby, being the owner of this blog, give you permission to disagree with me. Ha, Ha. Isn't that funny.
For those of you who are not familiar with this modern/postmodern conversation, do a google search to see what you come up with. I could give you a summary, albeit a brief one, but I think that the discovery of this conversation is much funner than having everything explained to you. I know in my journey, I have learned the most whenever I have become self critical of the things in my life. I look back and see the role that the Enlightenment has played on both me and my theological biases.
Well, I guess I kinda let you in on part of this conversation. The Enlightenment had a huge role in the forming of this modernist mindset. You will find that it was during this period that a new "system" came into power. A system that has ruled Christianity and the rest of the world for years. But now, there is a new paradigm that is being ushered in. This paradigm or system is that of postmodernism. People are beginning to think differently than those of the modern system. Is all of it good? No. Is all of it bad? No. But I do believe, with all my heart, that we have allowed Christianity to be conformed to the modern way of thinking. And like I said, not that it is all bad. Cause it's not. Some of modernism has been helpful and useful. But whenever we start allowing our thought processes to control our theology then we have overstepped where God would want us to step.
This is a very interesting conversation. There are many sides to this and the sides are as diverse as the We Are The World video. There are plenty of pro/con articles out there for you to read. However, I reccomend you find an article that presents both sides or presents all of the argument, and then you pray, read your Bible and make a decision on your own. Refuse to let others think for you. Don't believe something just because some famous Christian believes it. Seek the Holy Spirit and He will lead.
Here are some links for you to check out:
Faith-Maps
Another comparison chart
Toward a Theological Understanding
Collection of Postmodern Links
until then.......
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Found this quote.....
So I was doing some general searching on the internet this morning and I come across this quote by Henri Nouwen. Henri Nouwen was a Catholic priest who was one of the most influential spiritual writers of both his time and our time as well. He writes with great clarity and passion that seems to captivate his audience. Now I know some of you are thinking, "I ain't gonna read no Catholic's quote. He ain't got nothing to say to me or for me." Before you pass such a biased and heavy opinion, why don't you take a closer look at the quote first.
“During the last decade, many have discovered the limits of the intellect. More and more people have realized that what they need is much more than interesting sermons and prayers. They wonder how they might really experience God.”
- Henri Nouwen
Let me just say, "WOW!" I love this quote and find it a relevant issue that I struggle with on a daily basis. I find myself, even now in the shadows of a cliff, longing to really experience God. To know Him. No. Not know Him. KNOW Him. Do you see the difference? I know who He is and what He has done.....but I long for much more than that. I long for the closeness that I know is there, waiting 0n me.
I have found for the most part, that my relationship with God, has been superficial. Please don't underestimate this confession. For me, this is a hard thing to admit. At least to anyone besides Resa. I have found that so much of my spiritual life has been based on a relationship that is pretty much a "hi and bye" type of relationship. Sure I trust Christ for my salvation. And sure I love God with all my heart. But there is still something missing. There is still something that doesn't quite connect things, if you know what I mean.
I long for more than just a casual relationship with God. I long for a strong and intimate communion that takes me closer to my Father. There have been times where I felt "close" to God. But looking back at those times, I see that it was just a cover for a superficial relationship.
It seems for alot of folks (including me), have become satisfied with the sermons and the well thought out prayers that we hear at church. We look at them as the means to our experiencing God. But should it be that way? Should the pastor/preacher be responsible for our experiencing God? Or should we take the responsibility and the initiative to do whatever it takes to experience God on a fuller level?
Shouldn't we all have some kind of strong desire to experience God more fully? Shouldn't we all have this deep longing to know Him more than just a "thing?"
as always....I'm ravished
“During the last decade, many have discovered the limits of the intellect. More and more people have realized that what they need is much more than interesting sermons and prayers. They wonder how they might really experience God.”
- Henri Nouwen
Let me just say, "WOW!" I love this quote and find it a relevant issue that I struggle with on a daily basis. I find myself, even now in the shadows of a cliff, longing to really experience God. To know Him. No. Not know Him. KNOW Him. Do you see the difference? I know who He is and what He has done.....but I long for much more than that. I long for the closeness that I know is there, waiting 0n me.
I have found for the most part, that my relationship with God, has been superficial. Please don't underestimate this confession. For me, this is a hard thing to admit. At least to anyone besides Resa. I have found that so much of my spiritual life has been based on a relationship that is pretty much a "hi and bye" type of relationship. Sure I trust Christ for my salvation. And sure I love God with all my heart. But there is still something missing. There is still something that doesn't quite connect things, if you know what I mean.
I long for more than just a casual relationship with God. I long for a strong and intimate communion that takes me closer to my Father. There have been times where I felt "close" to God. But looking back at those times, I see that it was just a cover for a superficial relationship.
It seems for alot of folks (including me), have become satisfied with the sermons and the well thought out prayers that we hear at church. We look at them as the means to our experiencing God. But should it be that way? Should the pastor/preacher be responsible for our experiencing God? Or should we take the responsibility and the initiative to do whatever it takes to experience God on a fuller level?
Shouldn't we all have some kind of strong desire to experience God more fully? Shouldn't we all have this deep longing to know Him more than just a "thing?"
as always....I'm ravished
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
A poem for all of ya'll.......
As promised, here is the first poem that I ever memorized and the first poem that gripped me and gave me a love for poetry. This poem is by none other than........2pac. This poem has a way of grapping you and drawing you in. It really means alot when you think about pac's life and think about how he was taken out of this world.
In the event of my Demise
when my heart can beat no more
I Hope I Die For A Principle
or A Belief that I had Lived 4
I will die Before My Time
Because I feel the shadow's Depth
so much I wanted 2 accomplish
before I reached my Death
I have come 2 grips with the possibility
and wiped the last tear from My eyes
I Loved All who were Positive
In the event of my Demise
By: Tupac Shakur
That poem rocks! I love it and can feel it. This is authenticity and realness at its best. I hope that you enjoyed it.
later friends........
In the event of my Demise
when my heart can beat no more
I Hope I Die For A Principle
or A Belief that I had Lived 4
I will die Before My Time
Because I feel the shadow's Depth
so much I wanted 2 accomplish
before I reached my Death
I have come 2 grips with the possibility
and wiped the last tear from My eyes
I Loved All who were Positive
In the event of my Demise
By: Tupac Shakur
That poem rocks! I love it and can feel it. This is authenticity and realness at its best. I hope that you enjoyed it.
later friends........
Music.....
Music has always been an important part of my life. Actually, very important. No I don't play it. Well, unless you count my stereo in the car. I tried to learn guitar once. And that was all it took for me to see that it just wasn't my thing. I have no skills when it comes to music of any kind. I can't even sing worth a flip. When I sing, I soundlike Mickey Mouse and a chipmunk on crack. Seriously. It's real bad.
Anyways, growing up, my greatest influence was 2Pac. I know, I know. You are shaking your head thinking how could I get wrapped up in that "garbage" as you would call it. Actually, I was not wrapped up in any garbage. I was wrapped up in a poet whose words were as authentic as his tatoos. I began to understand my life better by listening to 2pac. Although I wasn't really a thug, I felt I had a lot in common with Pac. My life could be summarized in many of his things and his words became my words.
I still read articles about 2pac. I still read his old lyrics. They move me. They cause life to spring up in me and remember the feelings and thoughts of old. Amazing how music can do that.
Lately, I have been thinking about what would describe me? What song would fit my present situation. I remembered this song. So I looked up the lyrics and lived out my pain through the words. Now, I don't want this to be my song, but too many times, it has been. It almost fits me perfect. Except, I don't have the hope that this song projects. I am a little more hopeless. But that's ok. Things have to get better, don't they?
I really wish I could claim some other songs. Jeremy Camp has two songs that I heard today that I wish I could claim as my own. Walk By Faith and I Still Believe are two songs that I would love to be able to sing and to live. Songs that I wished resembled my present state. But unfortunately, I can't claim these songs. Not yet at least.
My goal is to put up some of my favorite 2pac lyrics/sayings and maybe put up the first poem I ever learned.
until then..........
Anyways, growing up, my greatest influence was 2Pac. I know, I know. You are shaking your head thinking how could I get wrapped up in that "garbage" as you would call it. Actually, I was not wrapped up in any garbage. I was wrapped up in a poet whose words were as authentic as his tatoos. I began to understand my life better by listening to 2pac. Although I wasn't really a thug, I felt I had a lot in common with Pac. My life could be summarized in many of his things and his words became my words.
I still read articles about 2pac. I still read his old lyrics. They move me. They cause life to spring up in me and remember the feelings and thoughts of old. Amazing how music can do that.
Lately, I have been thinking about what would describe me? What song would fit my present situation. I remembered this song. So I looked up the lyrics and lived out my pain through the words. Now, I don't want this to be my song, but too many times, it has been. It almost fits me perfect. Except, I don't have the hope that this song projects. I am a little more hopeless. But that's ok. Things have to get better, don't they?
I really wish I could claim some other songs. Jeremy Camp has two songs that I heard today that I wish I could claim as my own. Walk By Faith and I Still Believe are two songs that I would love to be able to sing and to live. Songs that I wished resembled my present state. But unfortunately, I can't claim these songs. Not yet at least.
My goal is to put up some of my favorite 2pac lyrics/sayings and maybe put up the first poem I ever learned.
until then..........
Monday, November 08, 2004
Great Site....
A few minutes ago, I visited this great site called Sacred Gateway. You really need to head over there and check it out. I got this link from Nomey's blog. I told you guys you should check it out. Anyway, back to this link. This most definately has to be the link of the week.
I was very impressed with this website and proved to be very useful. The site is a website that walks you through a bible reading and prayer time. Mostly, you get to be still and pray. This is alot different than what most people are used to. They don't like being told what to pray about or what to do in their prayer time. But I think that there is great freedom and great blessings in store for those who choose to follow the guidelines. I probably did the exercise a little too fast. I was really anxious to see what all it involved. I found myself being led into a deep contemplative prayer. I can't say how great that this website it.
Go there. Click on the begin prayer link. Then take your time and really give it a chance. I promise you that you will not be let down. Well, I guess that is a lie. You will be let down if you go through it with a closed mind. However, if you go through it with an open mind and open heart, I can't see how it won't affect you somehow.
Later folks.....
I was very impressed with this website and proved to be very useful. The site is a website that walks you through a bible reading and prayer time. Mostly, you get to be still and pray. This is alot different than what most people are used to. They don't like being told what to pray about or what to do in their prayer time. But I think that there is great freedom and great blessings in store for those who choose to follow the guidelines. I probably did the exercise a little too fast. I was really anxious to see what all it involved. I found myself being led into a deep contemplative prayer. I can't say how great that this website it.
Go there. Click on the begin prayer link. Then take your time and really give it a chance. I promise you that you will not be let down. Well, I guess that is a lie. You will be let down if you go through it with a closed mind. However, if you go through it with an open mind and open heart, I can't see how it won't affect you somehow.
Later folks.....
Sunday, November 07, 2004
My visit......
Tonight, I visited an Episcopal church. It was the first time that I have every worshiped at an Episcopal church. I must say that it was very, umm, interesting. Actually, to tell the truth, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was not a service like most of us are used to. It was very liturgical and was very, how do I say this?, very reverent. That is a good word. When I walked into the chapel, there were people already in there. They were kneeling and sitting and doing something that I am not used to. They were praying. That’s right they were praying. I should know, I was watching their every move. This one gentleman, kneeled, sat, kneeled, sat and repeated it one more time. Every time he kneeled, he was praying. Not just some kind of general offering of words, but was more of an intense prayer where you could tell this gentleman was in communion with Christ. Whenever he was sitting, he still had his head bowed and was still in some type of meditation mind state.
The service was very liturgical. We did responsive readings that included different sections of the Bible. We read sections from both the New Testament and the Psalms. It was different reading so much aloud and it was different having that much emphasis on the reading of the scripture. We also recited the Lord’s prayer as well as the Apostle’s creed. At one point, we kneeled for an extended period of time. I found this very hard on my back and my knees. I guess I could have gotten up, but I wanted to stick it out all the way. I was happy that I had.
After the service, the Priest waited for me outside of the chapel. He introduced himself and asked a couple of questions. He then asked me if I would like to see the “sanctuary.” I said that I would and so we went and took a look. We then talked for a long while. It was very blessing to talk to this Godly man. I found that he and I had a lot in common. I was blessed by his wisdom and his insight into life. He invited me to come and see him sometime in the future. He was going to be out of town for 8 days and told me to stop by anytime after then.
I could tell that he was sincere. It was truly refreshing.
Overall, I can say that I enjoyed this experience. It was definitely different to this “Baptist” boy, but it was something that I needed to experience. I would like to go and celebrate the Eucharist with them some Sunday. I may do that when I know Father Pat will back.
I am feeling a little better this evening. I still have my periods of darkness, but as of right now, things look better than they have. Sleep is going to be very important to me tonight. It may make a difference on how my day is tomorrow. I can’t go through another night like last night.
Until then……
The service was very liturgical. We did responsive readings that included different sections of the Bible. We read sections from both the New Testament and the Psalms. It was different reading so much aloud and it was different having that much emphasis on the reading of the scripture. We also recited the Lord’s prayer as well as the Apostle’s creed. At one point, we kneeled for an extended period of time. I found this very hard on my back and my knees. I guess I could have gotten up, but I wanted to stick it out all the way. I was happy that I had.
After the service, the Priest waited for me outside of the chapel. He introduced himself and asked a couple of questions. He then asked me if I would like to see the “sanctuary.” I said that I would and so we went and took a look. We then talked for a long while. It was very blessing to talk to this Godly man. I found that he and I had a lot in common. I was blessed by his wisdom and his insight into life. He invited me to come and see him sometime in the future. He was going to be out of town for 8 days and told me to stop by anytime after then.
I could tell that he was sincere. It was truly refreshing.
Overall, I can say that I enjoyed this experience. It was definitely different to this “Baptist” boy, but it was something that I needed to experience. I would like to go and celebrate the Eucharist with them some Sunday. I may do that when I know Father Pat will back.
I am feeling a little better this evening. I still have my periods of darkness, but as of right now, things look better than they have. Sleep is going to be very important to me tonight. It may make a difference on how my day is tomorrow. I can’t go through another night like last night.
Until then……
Hello all...
Just thought I would blog for a second today. I have not been feeling good thus far today. I didn't sleep very good last night. Actually, I woke up off and on all night long and tossed and turned all night long. So I am kinda feeling the results today. I am little sick at my stomach and having hot flashes.
I am wondering if it could be one of my meds.....but I guess I will have to see.
So how is everybody today?
Good...i thought so.
Until later on...
I am wondering if it could be one of my meds.....but I guess I will have to see.
So how is everybody today?
Good...i thought so.
Until later on...
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Loss of words...
I really don't know what to blog on today. I am kinda at a loss for words this morning. I am depleted of any energy, barely able to do anything. A good way to put it is that I feel "blah" I really don't know what to say. I bet you are tired of hearing about these troubles that plague me. You might not be....but I am. I hope to find a new series to write on very soon.
This post was actually longer. Much longer. But I deleted it.
This is all so confusing to me.....I just don't understand. I would ask, "why?" but I am afraid of what the answer may be.
Stay tuned till next time.....
This post was actually longer. Much longer. But I deleted it.
This is all so confusing to me.....I just don't understand. I would ask, "why?" but I am afraid of what the answer may be.
Stay tuned till next time.....
Friday, November 05, 2004
I am here....
Well, I am still here......
I guess that has got to mean something in this sin plagued world, doesn't it? It's got to mean something that I am still here, pluggin along...as slow as that might be and as draining as it might be. But I keep on.
My appointments went....well, I guess I can say they went well. My counselor is the best. I feel like he cares for me and listens to me. Something I don't feel I get in this world. Most of the time when people ask how you are doing, they are just being polite. They don't really care how you are doing. They are just waiting till you stop talking so they can start talking about themselves....or so they can interject their "inspired" wisdom for the day. My counselor is not like that. Maybe its because he gets paid to listen. Maybe because it is the method he was taught in school on how to do counseling. Maybe....just maybe....he cares about me. I want to believe that last option. It gives me a shimmering hope in this world. If he didn't care....he wouldn't have called me last night. He wouldn't have talked to me on the phone for around 10-15 minutes.
Then there was my doctor's visit. It went well. I was in a totally different mood than when I went to see my counselor. I was mad at my counselor's office....I was "low" at my doctor's office. But I guess you can say that it was a good visit. He listened...he acted like he cared. I really felt like he was concerned for me. That makes me feel good. Completely different than my last doctor. (That is another story for another time) He changed some of meds and wants me to come back in next week. There is a small possibility that I may need to make a trip to the hospital if things don't get better. He just wants me to get my meds worked out. I don't like that option, but if these feelings go on for another week, then I will try anything I guess.
This blogging...is really awesome. It is allowing me to write. That is something that I have always wanted to do. If I had a list of things I want to accomplish, writing a book would definately be one of them. Other things include starting my own business, starting my own foundation that reaches out to folks in need, changing the world, getting out of debt, and well I am sure there are others. Just can't think of them right now.
maybe I will blog later....we'll see
I guess that has got to mean something in this sin plagued world, doesn't it? It's got to mean something that I am still here, pluggin along...as slow as that might be and as draining as it might be. But I keep on.
My appointments went....well, I guess I can say they went well. My counselor is the best. I feel like he cares for me and listens to me. Something I don't feel I get in this world. Most of the time when people ask how you are doing, they are just being polite. They don't really care how you are doing. They are just waiting till you stop talking so they can start talking about themselves....or so they can interject their "inspired" wisdom for the day. My counselor is not like that. Maybe its because he gets paid to listen. Maybe because it is the method he was taught in school on how to do counseling. Maybe....just maybe....he cares about me. I want to believe that last option. It gives me a shimmering hope in this world. If he didn't care....he wouldn't have called me last night. He wouldn't have talked to me on the phone for around 10-15 minutes.
Then there was my doctor's visit. It went well. I was in a totally different mood than when I went to see my counselor. I was mad at my counselor's office....I was "low" at my doctor's office. But I guess you can say that it was a good visit. He listened...he acted like he cared. I really felt like he was concerned for me. That makes me feel good. Completely different than my last doctor. (That is another story for another time) He changed some of meds and wants me to come back in next week. There is a small possibility that I may need to make a trip to the hospital if things don't get better. He just wants me to get my meds worked out. I don't like that option, but if these feelings go on for another week, then I will try anything I guess.
This blogging...is really awesome. It is allowing me to write. That is something that I have always wanted to do. If I had a list of things I want to accomplish, writing a book would definately be one of them. Other things include starting my own business, starting my own foundation that reaches out to folks in need, changing the world, getting out of debt, and well I am sure there are others. Just can't think of them right now.
maybe I will blog later....we'll see
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Well today might be the day....
These last couple of days have been some of my worst ones. Although I say that every time I have a series of bad ones. I guess they are all bad in their own unique way. But like I said, today might be the day. You see I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon (as well as seing my counselor) and this might be the day that I decide to give up completely. You see, I have been holding on for some miracle or some hope to be restored, yet it seems that holding on has been done in vain.
I am tired of fighting this. I have seen nothing but defeat. Despite my advances at times, the enemy is too strong. Way too strong. I am considering getting off of my medicines. I am considering not going to see my counselor anymore. I am considering just giving up.
Why? Cause this battle has wore me down. This battle has gotten the best of me and there is no shame in admitting defeat. At least not in my opinion. I have done all that I can do. I say that to everybody but it's like it has no meaning. My best is obviously not good enough.
Do you know what it is like living, knowing that your best is not good enough? Do you know what its like to live every day knowing that victory is out of reach? Do you know?
Many have given me advice. Some has been the generic advice that we always give to people. I won't even type them out - you know what they are. But I hate to tell them and so I don't - that their advice is useless to me.
Don't you think if I could beat this I would? Don't you think if I could make things different I would? Or do you think that I enjoy this pain and suffering? For those of you who think I enjoy this struggle......well you......well you just don't understand. That is the nicest thing that I can say. You think you understand because you have read a book or because you have "done your research" on the internet......well let me tell you, that don't mean jack to me. The internet and that author has no idea how I feel. He has not walked a mile in my shoes. And if he did: then I doubt he would have hung on as long as I have. You see, I am fighter. I want to win. But there is nobility in realizing that you have lost. I have probably fought for too long.
Maybe medication is not the best thing for me. Maybe counseling is not the best thing for me. I don't know what is, but I know that whatever I have been doing is not working.
Where do I run to? Where do I hide? I used to have that answer. I would spit it out in some self righteous way that made others feel as though they were not as spiritual as I was. But now: I have no answers and the ones I am hearing....well just doesn't do much for me.
What will I do? I don't know. I really don't.
But there has got to be a better way, hasn't there?........
I am tired of fighting this. I have seen nothing but defeat. Despite my advances at times, the enemy is too strong. Way too strong. I am considering getting off of my medicines. I am considering not going to see my counselor anymore. I am considering just giving up.
Why? Cause this battle has wore me down. This battle has gotten the best of me and there is no shame in admitting defeat. At least not in my opinion. I have done all that I can do. I say that to everybody but it's like it has no meaning. My best is obviously not good enough.
Do you know what it is like living, knowing that your best is not good enough? Do you know what its like to live every day knowing that victory is out of reach? Do you know?
Many have given me advice. Some has been the generic advice that we always give to people. I won't even type them out - you know what they are. But I hate to tell them and so I don't - that their advice is useless to me.
Don't you think if I could beat this I would? Don't you think if I could make things different I would? Or do you think that I enjoy this pain and suffering? For those of you who think I enjoy this struggle......well you......well you just don't understand. That is the nicest thing that I can say. You think you understand because you have read a book or because you have "done your research" on the internet......well let me tell you, that don't mean jack to me. The internet and that author has no idea how I feel. He has not walked a mile in my shoes. And if he did: then I doubt he would have hung on as long as I have. You see, I am fighter. I want to win. But there is nobility in realizing that you have lost. I have probably fought for too long.
Maybe medication is not the best thing for me. Maybe counseling is not the best thing for me. I don't know what is, but I know that whatever I have been doing is not working.
Where do I run to? Where do I hide? I used to have that answer. I would spit it out in some self righteous way that made others feel as though they were not as spiritual as I was. But now: I have no answers and the ones I am hearing....well just doesn't do much for me.
What will I do? I don't know. I really don't.
But there has got to be a better way, hasn't there?........
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
You need to check out....
I was sitting here this morning and thinking about some of the blogs that I read on a daily basis. I thought it would be good if I would tell you a little about each one. Maybe this will turn into a blog of the week type deal....until then, let me tell you about a couple of the ones I read on a fairly regular basis:
1) Resa's Blog is obviously one that I visit on a daily basis. Well, I won't say daily, since I know she doesn't update daily, but I do check it everytime I know that she has been on.
2) Nomey's Spot is one that I check everyday, knowing that my boy Levi has usually posted something good to chew on. Levi is the Young Life leader at C'ville and is Youth Pastor at a church in the D'burg. I like Nomey's Spot so much because I know that me and Levi have a lot in common. You should really check this blog out. And pray for his ministry too! I know that doing ministry is such a hard and stressful thing to do. Here is a direct link to todays post and some comments that I posted.
3) Real Live Preacher is a blog that is prolly one of the most interesting ones on the net. He has even written a book from the popularity of this blog. This guy sure can write. He will make you think...make you mad...and make you wonder. I check this daily and often go through the archives to read some of his older stuff.
4) Ragamuffin Ramblings is a blog that I found last night. Actually, it was more like early this morning. I can tell that this is going to be one that I definately keep an eye on. You should prolly check it out too!
And now for a link that I just added: stumbling toward faith is a website of an author named Renee Alston. She has written a book called "Stumbling Toward Faith" and is passionately trying to sell it. It is about all kinds of abuse and unfortunately includes her story. Be forewarned that this book may cause old feelings to come back if you have ever experienced any kind of abuse before. I checked out the free PDF sample that she has on her site....and I am definately going to buy this book. Maybe even an autographed book. It's a shame that people have to go through the things that they go through. Anyways, let me encourage you to check out this book and this site. I may try to get the book to read and then may try to get a blog interview on here. I know that she does some...so we will see.
Hopefully, I will post later on today. Again. So check back often .....
1) Resa's Blog is obviously one that I visit on a daily basis. Well, I won't say daily, since I know she doesn't update daily, but I do check it everytime I know that she has been on.
2) Nomey's Spot is one that I check everyday, knowing that my boy Levi has usually posted something good to chew on. Levi is the Young Life leader at C'ville and is Youth Pastor at a church in the D'burg. I like Nomey's Spot so much because I know that me and Levi have a lot in common. You should really check this blog out. And pray for his ministry too! I know that doing ministry is such a hard and stressful thing to do. Here is a direct link to todays post and some comments that I posted.
3) Real Live Preacher is a blog that is prolly one of the most interesting ones on the net. He has even written a book from the popularity of this blog. This guy sure can write. He will make you think...make you mad...and make you wonder. I check this daily and often go through the archives to read some of his older stuff.
4) Ragamuffin Ramblings is a blog that I found last night. Actually, it was more like early this morning. I can tell that this is going to be one that I definately keep an eye on. You should prolly check it out too!
And now for a link that I just added: stumbling toward faith is a website of an author named Renee Alston. She has written a book called "Stumbling Toward Faith" and is passionately trying to sell it. It is about all kinds of abuse and unfortunately includes her story. Be forewarned that this book may cause old feelings to come back if you have ever experienced any kind of abuse before. I checked out the free PDF sample that she has on her site....and I am definately going to buy this book. Maybe even an autographed book. It's a shame that people have to go through the things that they go through. Anyways, let me encourage you to check out this book and this site. I may try to get the book to read and then may try to get a blog interview on here. I know that she does some...so we will see.
Hopefully, I will post later on today. Again. So check back often .....
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
I need a new pic....
I was just thinking (at 11:34...that's good for me) that I need to put a new pic of me up. I just realized that I look completely different than I used and different than I ever have before. Let's see.....
1) My hair is highlighted - I know, I know that I have had my hair highlighted off and on since I was in high school but now...
2) My hair is the longest it has ever been in my life! Let's see....if I look up I can see my hair so that is pretty long for me. I love it when I wear my hat and my sides and back curl up. It's a new thug look if you will.
3) I have my ears pierced! Uh-oh. Oh, are you ok. That looked like a nasty spill. You should be careful...in um....your chair. Yeah, those things are dangerous. Seriously, I know some of you are probably having a cow. You are thinking, "Drew-you are going straight to hell for that!" Yeah, I guess you could be right about that. But considering Jesus redeems us based on our faith and on HIS GRACE, then I seriously doubt your accusation. But good one though.
This all brings me to a point I would like to make: Why do we care so much about what people look like? Seriously....half of our lives is spent trying to please with our looks. The other half is spent approving or disproving of others' looks. It is a nasty cycle and a huge shame. I have wasted most of my life asking, "What do you think?" when it really doesn't matter what they think. If I am going to be as authentic and "real" as I can be, then I need to focus on being who it is that God wants me to be. And let me tell you, that can be hard enough as it is.
What does God look at, by the way? Does he judge me based on the clothes I wear and the way I wear my hat? Does he look down on me because my hair is long and my ears are pierced? Does he not like people with tattoos? Tell me - what does HE look at? Oh, wait. That's right. He looks at our hearts. He looks at who we are on the inside.
Too bad I don't sometimes. I often judge based on the outside. Maybe that really give meaning to the "being like Christ" thing.
Seems like I have posted on this before.....prolly because I have!
anyways....
1) My hair is highlighted - I know, I know that I have had my hair highlighted off and on since I was in high school but now...
2) My hair is the longest it has ever been in my life! Let's see....if I look up I can see my hair so that is pretty long for me. I love it when I wear my hat and my sides and back curl up. It's a new thug look if you will.
3) I have my ears pierced! Uh-oh. Oh, are you ok. That looked like a nasty spill. You should be careful...in um....your chair. Yeah, those things are dangerous. Seriously, I know some of you are probably having a cow. You are thinking, "Drew-you are going straight to hell for that!" Yeah, I guess you could be right about that. But considering Jesus redeems us based on our faith and on HIS GRACE, then I seriously doubt your accusation. But good one though.
This all brings me to a point I would like to make: Why do we care so much about what people look like? Seriously....half of our lives is spent trying to please with our looks. The other half is spent approving or disproving of others' looks. It is a nasty cycle and a huge shame. I have wasted most of my life asking, "What do you think?" when it really doesn't matter what they think. If I am going to be as authentic and "real" as I can be, then I need to focus on being who it is that God wants me to be. And let me tell you, that can be hard enough as it is.
What does God look at, by the way? Does he judge me based on the clothes I wear and the way I wear my hat? Does he look down on me because my hair is long and my ears are pierced? Does he not like people with tattoos? Tell me - what does HE look at? Oh, wait. That's right. He looks at our hearts. He looks at who we are on the inside.
Too bad I don't sometimes. I often judge based on the outside. Maybe that really give meaning to the "being like Christ" thing.
Seems like I have posted on this before.....prolly because I have!
anyways....
Watch your enemies....
Sometimes we are mistaken by who we think our friends are. We get it confused because they play the game so well. They act like they are your friend....but in reality, they only think about one thing. (Mostly themselves)
It's a shame. You should be able to trust people. I mean really trust people. I am talking the kind of trust where you never have to wonder if they are plotting or if they are out to do something behind your back.
I've said it before and I will say it again....keep your eyes on your friends....cause they may turn out to be your enemies.
It's a shame. You should be able to trust people. I mean really trust people. I am talking the kind of trust where you never have to wonder if they are plotting or if they are out to do something behind your back.
I've said it before and I will say it again....keep your eyes on your friends....cause they may turn out to be your enemies.
Monday, November 01, 2004
Depression sucks
The last couple of days have been hard. Too hard. Actually, they have been like hell to me. That is very unfortunate. I don't feel good today either. I don't have high expectations anymore. I have come to expect my life to be the epitome of pain and suffering, internally. You see, most of you have never heard me talk about my struggles. I didn't share because I felt like I was somehow protecting you. Protecting you from who I really am.
But I have realized that it was all a big show. I was the clown with the smile painted on but with deep scars running along the veins to my heart. I have tried my best to never let on about the struggles that I face. It was just best. Best for you, best for Resa, best for everybody. Or at least that is what I think/thought.
The truth is that my pain is sometimes almost unbearable. For me and for Resa. But you would never know it, would you? Because I do what most people do - act like everything ok. When in reality, things are not ok and I would prefer to be at home away from everybody. Now that is a shocker. Me - the people person. How could I not want to be around people? Strange - but true. I have found myself over the last year, pulling away from people. I almost don't want to be around anyone. Not even myself, most of the time. That is strange because in high school and almost every time before and after, I have had a strange addiction to being around people. I felt free whenever I was able to interact with others.
Now that has all changed. I don't want to be around anyone most of the time. I am more rageful and hateful and devoid of hope. It's really sad. But it is the truth.
Maybe I will post more on this....maybe not. We'll see.
Deep stuff....yet my reality.
But I have realized that it was all a big show. I was the clown with the smile painted on but with deep scars running along the veins to my heart. I have tried my best to never let on about the struggles that I face. It was just best. Best for you, best for Resa, best for everybody. Or at least that is what I think/thought.
The truth is that my pain is sometimes almost unbearable. For me and for Resa. But you would never know it, would you? Because I do what most people do - act like everything ok. When in reality, things are not ok and I would prefer to be at home away from everybody. Now that is a shocker. Me - the people person. How could I not want to be around people? Strange - but true. I have found myself over the last year, pulling away from people. I almost don't want to be around anyone. Not even myself, most of the time. That is strange because in high school and almost every time before and after, I have had a strange addiction to being around people. I felt free whenever I was able to interact with others.
Now that has all changed. I don't want to be around anyone most of the time. I am more rageful and hateful and devoid of hope. It's really sad. But it is the truth.
Maybe I will post more on this....maybe not. We'll see.
Deep stuff....yet my reality.
This is a picture of the love of my life. She is the reason I keep going everyday and the meaning of love for me. I can see the love of Christ in her in the way she loves me unconditionally. She accepts me for me. And loves me all the same. I hope that all men can have such an exceptional wife as I have. She means the world to me. Without her....well I don't want to think of it.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
I'm your huckleberry
Ever watched "Tombstone?" Well that has to be one of my favorite movies. I think Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday was just outstanding.
"I'm your huckleberry"
Gotta love that don't you? I mean when he says that, I just smile and giggle like a little boy who sees his favorite baseball player.
"You're a daisy if you do"
This is another phrase that he uses in the movie. Man, I need to start using more Docadian language. You know. Language that Doc spoke.
There was an incident a couple of weeks ago where I could have told somebody that "I'm your huckleberry." But I didn't. Should have. Then again maybe not.
If you are wondering the meaning of these phrases, check out this website.
Your a daisy if you do!
"I'm your huckleberry"
Gotta love that don't you? I mean when he says that, I just smile and giggle like a little boy who sees his favorite baseball player.
"You're a daisy if you do"
This is another phrase that he uses in the movie. Man, I need to start using more Docadian language. You know. Language that Doc spoke.
There was an incident a couple of weeks ago where I could have told somebody that "I'm your huckleberry." But I didn't. Should have. Then again maybe not.
If you are wondering the meaning of these phrases, check out this website.
Your a daisy if you do!
not feeling good...
I have not been feeling good as of late. Don't know what it is. It's hard. Too hard at times. It's physical. It's mental. It's emotional. I think. I don't know.
It's just really hard right now. This is a different side of this "illness." Yet there are so many things that resemble my past experiences.
Hope...where are you right now? God....where are you right now?
I need you. Or something. Mostly you. But then again, what do I know?
It's just really hard right now. This is a different side of this "illness." Yet there are so many things that resemble my past experiences.
Hope...where are you right now? God....where are you right now?
I need you. Or something. Mostly you. But then again, what do I know?
Just as I promised......
Just as I promised, here is my summary of the first chapter of A Generous Orthodoxy. I like the book thus far. It is very engaging and interesting. However, I do not find McLaren as engaging as he normally is.
The first chapter is about the 7 Jesuses that he has known throughout his life. He chronicles them and presents them and what he learned from each one. He goes through the evangelical Jesus, the charismatic Jesus, the Catholic Jesus, the Eastern Orthodox Jesus, the liberal Protestant Jesus, the liberation Jesus, and the Anabaptist Jesus.
He presents the insights that he gained at these very different times of his life. He shows a few insights into each Jesus and shows the truths that he has learned from each one. He gives some very good remarks about each of these traditions and things that we can learn from them. I am sure that this is just the beginning and that is what excites me.
I didn't find this chapter, awe-inspiring but it was good, just not his usual self. I will continue on. I know his writing and I know that it will captivate me in the end.
The first chapter is about the 7 Jesuses that he has known throughout his life. He chronicles them and presents them and what he learned from each one. He goes through the evangelical Jesus, the charismatic Jesus, the Catholic Jesus, the Eastern Orthodox Jesus, the liberal Protestant Jesus, the liberation Jesus, and the Anabaptist Jesus.
He presents the insights that he gained at these very different times of his life. He shows a few insights into each Jesus and shows the truths that he has learned from each one. He gives some very good remarks about each of these traditions and things that we can learn from them. I am sure that this is just the beginning and that is what excites me.
I didn't find this chapter, awe-inspiring but it was good, just not his usual self. I will continue on. I know his writing and I know that it will captivate me in the end.
High Stakes For Church and State, Sojourners Magazine/November 2004
Well, here is another article frmo the Sojourners Mag. This is one is probably the best one of the two. I really liked this one and it was the first one that I read at the library. I find it engagine, enlightening, and entertaining. Ughh. I just did that preacher thing. All words started with the letter "E." That's alliteration right? Anyways....just thought you might want to see these articles.
Even you young folks need to read these articles. We need for you to be politically involved and making up your minds about the politics of America. I know I didn't when I was in school. All I cared about was making somebody laugh. And I did. May be why I am stupid today. (Smile) But being stupid has its rewards....I can always get a job at ......well nevermind.
Look for my thoughts on the new book I am reading. I have finished the first chapter and will post my thoughts on it today sometime. You can click on the title up above or you can click on the red link below.
Until then.....
High Stakes For Church and State, Sojourners Magazine/November 2004
Even you young folks need to read these articles. We need for you to be politically involved and making up your minds about the politics of America. I know I didn't when I was in school. All I cared about was making somebody laugh. And I did. May be why I am stupid today. (Smile) But being stupid has its rewards....I can always get a job at ......well nevermind.
Look for my thoughts on the new book I am reading. I have finished the first chapter and will post my thoughts on it today sometime. You can click on the title up above or you can click on the red link below.
Until then.....
High Stakes For Church and State, Sojourners Magazine/November 2004
The Politics Of Piety, Sojourners Magazine/November 2004
Here is one of those articles from the Sojourners magazine that I read the other day at the library. For those of you out there that are "into" this election and you wonder about the religious aspect of it, this is a good "make you think" articles. Even if you don't agree with it, at least it will make you say, "Hmmm"
The Politics Of Piety, Sojourners Magazine/November 2004
Click on the red link or on the title to get to the article.
Have fun....
The Politics Of Piety, Sojourners Magazine/November 2004
Click on the red link or on the title to get to the article.
Have fun....
Friday, October 29, 2004
Well it arrived....
My new book, A Generous Orthodoxy , just arrived today. I am pretty excited about it and I am sure you are going to be hearing a lot about in the coming days. I plan on blogging on at least every chapter and maybe more. Just depends on how it hits me. If you haven't read anything by Brian McLaren , I suggest that you do it soon. You might not agree with him but you will see that he is truly a great writer and will at least make you think. Or at least he did for me.
I also wanted to tell you that I also recieved a new CD today. These are gifts that Resa got me for our anniversary. The CD is "Bullet" -by Mat Kearney and it is totally awesome. Dude has some kinda new type of flow. He kinda raps, kinda talks, kinda sings, all to some really sweet melodies. I am serious....you need to check this guy out...majorly. Here is his website . There is a sample of one of his songs on there. Here is an article reviewing his new CD.
Well, I am trying not to say anything political for a couple of days. I will say that I read the Sojourners magazine today and was very impressed with some of their articles. You should check them out. I will just say that things are becoming "clearer" for me so we will just see how it all turns out.
So, I guess I don't have much else to say....so I will say, goodbye...
I also wanted to tell you that I also recieved a new CD today. These are gifts that Resa got me for our anniversary. The CD is "Bullet" -by Mat Kearney and it is totally awesome. Dude has some kinda new type of flow. He kinda raps, kinda talks, kinda sings, all to some really sweet melodies. I am serious....you need to check this guy out...majorly. Here is his website . There is a sample of one of his songs on there. Here is an article reviewing his new CD.
Well, I am trying not to say anything political for a couple of days. I will say that I read the Sojourners magazine today and was very impressed with some of their articles. You should check them out. I will just say that things are becoming "clearer" for me so we will just see how it all turns out.
So, I guess I don't have much else to say....so I will say, goodbye...
Thursday, October 28, 2004
My response to comments......
I am glad that my last post has stirred you to think and therefore caused at least one of you to post a comment. Things like this excite me. I love these kinds of things. That is why, I want to probe their thoughts a little in my post. I will quote them and then respond with questions that I have.
Let me say this: I am asking questions not out of bias but out of critical thinking...not trying to take sides but to pose real questions that come up.
“With the issue of abortion man has begun to chip away at the fact that "man is created in the image of God" and that we are no differant than an animal.With the issue of Marriage they have begun to chip away at a foundational institution that God set in place.”
With the issue of homosexual acceptance they are chipping away at sin and mocking God.
I am not so sure that we can say definitively that Bush is God’s choice based on abortion and the homosexual marriage issue. Here are a couple of my thoughts:
1.Do you think that sometimes we often place some issues higher than other issues? For example, shouldn’t the country be concerned about the poverty of this nation, the lack of healthcare for millions, and the economic welfare of this nation?
Here is something that a lot of us miss: what about those that are starving around the world and are consequently dying due to lack of food and malnutrition. We do nothing in that regards. That is in some ways, killing of innocent children. If abortion is absolutely wrong in all cases and killing babies is sinful and unjust, then why don’t we do something about all the children that are dying all over the world?. I mean more than do something. Shouldn’t this be a major issue for the USA? I know that everyone thinks that we do enough but the question must become: are we doing all that we can?
Also, if abortion is wrong because it is taking another’s life – then shouldn’t the death penalty be done away with? You probably say “No” and your reasoning is that the Bible gives us the command to do it. Let me ask you this, why should our laws be based on the Bible? (What exactly does separation of church and state mean?) Who chooses which parts of the Bible becomes law?
2.A question coming from someone else is this: “Why is same sex marriage illegal? It can’t be illegal, because it doesn’t break any laws. Oh yeah, you must object due to it’s a sin and that is the reason. Well, not every church sees it as a sin, who gets to decide what sins are sins? What about divorce? The bible is pretty clear about it being a sin, yet it is legal. Many churches see divorce as a major sin yet we don’t hear their opinions and make that a law do we? Some churches think war is wrong yet we have war. ” I think what this person is trying to say is this: What does separation of church and state exactly mean? If this nation is founded on religious freedom, how much freedom is there when you base your laws on whether or not something is a sin? Who’s religious text do you use? What happens if another religion sees same sex marriage as part of their religion? Do they not have the right to object? These are just some questions that this person raises….I will let you decide the answers.
“If we truly believe that "faith commeth by hearing and hearing by the Word of God" and we truly believe that God commands us to teach/preach all that He commands then we "must" be willing to "take up our cross and follow Jesus".For some of us it could be the cross of higher taxes, loss of civil rights, loss of jobs, and maybe even loss of life but if that is the Cross Christ ask us to bear to follow him than a true disciple of His will work to the best of his/her ability to defend the right to teach "all" that God commands us to.”
1.What if in that passage, Jesus was implying that by taking up our crosses we must do something that would get us in trouble with the authorities? That is one interpretation based on the context of that passage. Jesus might have said that because the disciples knew that one would only get the cross due to “big” crimes. Maybe Jesus is calling us to live radical lives anyway? Why would we fear that?
“I find it rather funny and sad that Hustler magazine's owner is for Kerry. He is for this party because he knows that people with morals are a threat to his livelyhood. He is willing to spend millions to protect his business of smut that he is so proud of. He understands better than most Christians that the "judges" in our highest courts will either uphold morals and stop or limit his business or they will allow moral decay to occur. Flynt knows what he is doing when he cast his ballot. He is looking to the future. I only hope and Pray Christians are as wise as he is.”
1.I totally get their point on this. But I must ask myself two series of questions: 1)Should I really not vote for someone just because someone else is voting for them? OR Should I vote for someone just because someone else is voting for them? Shouldn’t I weigh out this option on my own and seek out God’s will? 2) How can we KNOW that this is the reason that Flynt supports Kerry? Maybe he supports him because he believes in a more democratic process where the government has a more hands on policy? What if he gives millions away to charities and has a heart for them and desires the democrats to be in office so that the economical and societal dimensions of this nation will grow/increase? I can’t rule out that is the reason he is voting for Kerry, but neither can I say for sure.
(The Parable of the Shrewd Manager – see quote in the comments section from last post)
1.Why would this be applicable? The first assumption that we would have to make is that America should be a Christian nation. Now I would be all for everyone to come and know Jesus as their redeemer. But I am not for that through governmental sanctions. If I wanted that then I could move to England. (Which I might ‘smile’) No. Instead, I would want everyone to trust in Him because they see Him as the great pleasure of life. They see Him as the delight that fills their hearts.
2.Why do we equate America as the New Israel? We just assume that because we have prospered that we must now be God’s chosen nation. Why? What makes us think that? Where does it say that? Who says that? See my point?
I am not against a Christian nation. But I must not forget about religious freedom. We can’t make laws making people be Christians. Some may not be saying that but that is exactly what we are trying to do.
Let me say this: I am asking questions not out of bias but out of critical thinking...not trying to take sides but to pose real questions that come up.
“With the issue of abortion man has begun to chip away at the fact that "man is created in the image of God" and that we are no differant than an animal.With the issue of Marriage they have begun to chip away at a foundational institution that God set in place.”
With the issue of homosexual acceptance they are chipping away at sin and mocking God.
I am not so sure that we can say definitively that Bush is God’s choice based on abortion and the homosexual marriage issue. Here are a couple of my thoughts:
1.Do you think that sometimes we often place some issues higher than other issues? For example, shouldn’t the country be concerned about the poverty of this nation, the lack of healthcare for millions, and the economic welfare of this nation?
Here is something that a lot of us miss: what about those that are starving around the world and are consequently dying due to lack of food and malnutrition. We do nothing in that regards. That is in some ways, killing of innocent children. If abortion is absolutely wrong in all cases and killing babies is sinful and unjust, then why don’t we do something about all the children that are dying all over the world?. I mean more than do something. Shouldn’t this be a major issue for the USA? I know that everyone thinks that we do enough but the question must become: are we doing all that we can?
Also, if abortion is wrong because it is taking another’s life – then shouldn’t the death penalty be done away with? You probably say “No” and your reasoning is that the Bible gives us the command to do it. Let me ask you this, why should our laws be based on the Bible? (What exactly does separation of church and state mean?) Who chooses which parts of the Bible becomes law?
2.A question coming from someone else is this: “Why is same sex marriage illegal? It can’t be illegal, because it doesn’t break any laws. Oh yeah, you must object due to it’s a sin and that is the reason. Well, not every church sees it as a sin, who gets to decide what sins are sins? What about divorce? The bible is pretty clear about it being a sin, yet it is legal. Many churches see divorce as a major sin yet we don’t hear their opinions and make that a law do we? Some churches think war is wrong yet we have war. ” I think what this person is trying to say is this: What does separation of church and state exactly mean? If this nation is founded on religious freedom, how much freedom is there when you base your laws on whether or not something is a sin? Who’s religious text do you use? What happens if another religion sees same sex marriage as part of their religion? Do they not have the right to object? These are just some questions that this person raises….I will let you decide the answers.
“If we truly believe that "faith commeth by hearing and hearing by the Word of God" and we truly believe that God commands us to teach/preach all that He commands then we "must" be willing to "take up our cross and follow Jesus".For some of us it could be the cross of higher taxes, loss of civil rights, loss of jobs, and maybe even loss of life but if that is the Cross Christ ask us to bear to follow him than a true disciple of His will work to the best of his/her ability to defend the right to teach "all" that God commands us to.”
1.What if in that passage, Jesus was implying that by taking up our crosses we must do something that would get us in trouble with the authorities? That is one interpretation based on the context of that passage. Jesus might have said that because the disciples knew that one would only get the cross due to “big” crimes. Maybe Jesus is calling us to live radical lives anyway? Why would we fear that?
“I find it rather funny and sad that Hustler magazine's owner is for Kerry. He is for this party because he knows that people with morals are a threat to his livelyhood. He is willing to spend millions to protect his business of smut that he is so proud of. He understands better than most Christians that the "judges" in our highest courts will either uphold morals and stop or limit his business or they will allow moral decay to occur. Flynt knows what he is doing when he cast his ballot. He is looking to the future. I only hope and Pray Christians are as wise as he is.”
1.I totally get their point on this. But I must ask myself two series of questions: 1)Should I really not vote for someone just because someone else is voting for them? OR Should I vote for someone just because someone else is voting for them? Shouldn’t I weigh out this option on my own and seek out God’s will? 2) How can we KNOW that this is the reason that Flynt supports Kerry? Maybe he supports him because he believes in a more democratic process where the government has a more hands on policy? What if he gives millions away to charities and has a heart for them and desires the democrats to be in office so that the economical and societal dimensions of this nation will grow/increase? I can’t rule out that is the reason he is voting for Kerry, but neither can I say for sure.
(The Parable of the Shrewd Manager – see quote in the comments section from last post)
1.Why would this be applicable? The first assumption that we would have to make is that America should be a Christian nation. Now I would be all for everyone to come and know Jesus as their redeemer. But I am not for that through governmental sanctions. If I wanted that then I could move to England. (Which I might ‘smile’) No. Instead, I would want everyone to trust in Him because they see Him as the great pleasure of life. They see Him as the delight that fills their hearts.
2.Why do we equate America as the New Israel? We just assume that because we have prospered that we must now be God’s chosen nation. Why? What makes us think that? Where does it say that? Who says that? See my point?
I am not against a Christian nation. But I must not forget about religious freedom. We can’t make laws making people be Christians. Some may not be saying that but that is exactly what we are trying to do.
*****************
Seriously, you should check out my opinion from a couple of posts ago. It is talking about how Jesus is neither Republican or Democrat. I think it sums up my beliefs as far as this election goes.
Thanks to Levi, here is a link to a petition directly related to that - http://go.sojo.net/campaign/takebackourfaith
Check it out…..anyways….if you haven’t tried the survey/Q and A from 2 posts ago – try it out. At least give it a fair chance. You might be surprised……
Seriously, you should check out my opinion from a couple of posts ago. It is talking about how Jesus is neither Republican or Democrat. I think it sums up my beliefs as far as this election goes.
Thanks to Levi, here is a link to a petition directly related to that - http://go.sojo.net/campaign/takebackourfaith
Check it out…..anyways….if you haven’t tried the survey/Q and A from 2 posts ago – try it out. At least give it a fair chance. You might be surprised……
According to the survey....
According to the survey from the link I posted in my last post, I have found out who I am supposed to vote for....
That's funny. You thought I was going to tell you who I am going to vote for. (Smile) This is really fun to do.
I will tell you the score....one got 60% and the other got 24%
I have been going back and forth over all the reasons to vote for either candidate. I feel like both have been deceitful in one way or another. And the thing I really hate is how much they play "politics." You would think that at one point, a candidate would quit bad mouthing the other. You are grown men for goodness sake.
I guess what has been really disappointing has been seeing some of the remarks that Bush has made. Not that they are BAD or anything, but why does he feel like he must play this game with Kerry. If Bush is such the Evangelical Christian that everyone makes him out to be, then you would think their wouldn't be any bad mouthing going on. I know, I know....he has to defend himself. Wait. Does he?
Then there is Kerry. He claims to be a Christian as well. Why does he continue to go on with all these remarks. I know some of you may not see such a big deal with it. You may even say that they are just telling the truth. I guess I will just have to disagree with you on this one. It may be truth, but that doesn't give you the right to poke fun and harshly criticize the other candidate.
For example: The Kerry party (maybe Edwards and Kerry might have mentioned something) making the statement about Cheney's daughter's sexual orientation. That was uncalled for.
And: "Sen. Kerry's been in Washington long enough to have taken both sides on just about every issue," Bush quipped to an audience of supporters at the Shrine Auditorium who had paid up to $2,000 each to hear him. - quote from San Francisco Chronicle
These are just examples that are found throughout the campaign.
That is what makes me not want to vote for either one. I wish for once, a politician would not be a .....well, a politician.
Maybe I will vote for the Green Party. On second thought....nah.
Go take the survey.....report back who it says you should vote for...and oh yeah, be honest and unbiased. As if that will happen.
That's funny. You thought I was going to tell you who I am going to vote for. (Smile) This is really fun to do.
I will tell you the score....one got 60% and the other got 24%
I have been going back and forth over all the reasons to vote for either candidate. I feel like both have been deceitful in one way or another. And the thing I really hate is how much they play "politics." You would think that at one point, a candidate would quit bad mouthing the other. You are grown men for goodness sake.
I guess what has been really disappointing has been seeing some of the remarks that Bush has made. Not that they are BAD or anything, but why does he feel like he must play this game with Kerry. If Bush is such the Evangelical Christian that everyone makes him out to be, then you would think their wouldn't be any bad mouthing going on. I know, I know....he has to defend himself. Wait. Does he?
Then there is Kerry. He claims to be a Christian as well. Why does he continue to go on with all these remarks. I know some of you may not see such a big deal with it. You may even say that they are just telling the truth. I guess I will just have to disagree with you on this one. It may be truth, but that doesn't give you the right to poke fun and harshly criticize the other candidate.
For example: The Kerry party (maybe Edwards and Kerry might have mentioned something) making the statement about Cheney's daughter's sexual orientation. That was uncalled for.
And: "Sen. Kerry's been in Washington long enough to have taken both sides on just about every issue," Bush quipped to an audience of supporters at the Shrine Auditorium who had paid up to $2,000 each to hear him. - quote from San Francisco Chronicle
These are just examples that are found throughout the campaign.
That is what makes me not want to vote for either one. I wish for once, a politician would not be a .....well, a politician.
Maybe I will vote for the Green Party. On second thought....nah.
Go take the survey.....report back who it says you should vote for...and oh yeah, be honest and unbiased. As if that will happen.
Compare the candidates
Definately check this link out, even if you can't vote...it will give you an idea where the candidates line up with your views...
AOL Presidential Match Main
Post your comments about it if you want......tell me what you thought of the survey...
AOL Presidential Match Main
Post your comments about it if you want......tell me what you thought of the survey...
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Nomey's Spot
You definately need to check out my friend's blog: Nomey's Spot
It has a good post about homosexuality and looks at it in a way that some don't. I appreciate his looking at this controversial issue with a little different angle. I appreciate when people step outside the box to see things in a different light. Definately check out this post. You may not agree with it. Heck, I may not agree with it. But then again....maybe you will. Maybe I will. Definately worth reading with an open mind.
Is that possible? An open mind? Or are we so biased by our upbringing and our culture that we are not able to have an open mind anymore? Besides who wants to be "tolerant"? Cause we know that tolerance is EVIL!
That is another post for another time....check out the link Nomey's Spot
It has a good post about homosexuality and looks at it in a way that some don't. I appreciate his looking at this controversial issue with a little different angle. I appreciate when people step outside the box to see things in a different light. Definately check out this post. You may not agree with it. Heck, I may not agree with it. But then again....maybe you will. Maybe I will. Definately worth reading with an open mind.
Is that possible? An open mind? Or are we so biased by our upbringing and our culture that we are not able to have an open mind anymore? Besides who wants to be "tolerant"? Cause we know that tolerance is EVIL!
That is another post for another time....check out the link Nomey's Spot
Something that bothers me....
Just a short rant.....
Why do people insist on making Jesus a Republican? Seriously....everytime I hear a Christian talk politics, I get the feeling that they are implying that Jesus is a Republican. The same can be said of Democrats. They too align Jesus as a Democrat.
That just kills me. What makes us think that Jesus would align himself with either of the parties? What makes us so arrogant that we would think for a second that we know what party Jesus would vote for?
If memory serves me right.....Jesus had a chance to join the different sects of Judaism. But He didn't. He didn't come to conform the different sects. He came to bring grace and love to all.
If He wouldn't choose sides back then (besides His own side) then why do we imply that He chooses our side now. Republicans say because of our views on abortion and same sex marriage. Democrats say because they care about the poor, something they say the Republicans obviously don't.
I guess we can ponder this question: WWJVF - Who Would Jesus Vote For
Too bad we get wrapped up in this.....maybe there are other things that we can get wrapped up in.....like the grace of God, the moving of the Spirit, the adoration of the Son, even maybe get wrapped up in reaching out to those that haven't experience the saving grace of God.
Maybe......
Why do people insist on making Jesus a Republican? Seriously....everytime I hear a Christian talk politics, I get the feeling that they are implying that Jesus is a Republican. The same can be said of Democrats. They too align Jesus as a Democrat.
That just kills me. What makes us think that Jesus would align himself with either of the parties? What makes us so arrogant that we would think for a second that we know what party Jesus would vote for?
If memory serves me right.....Jesus had a chance to join the different sects of Judaism. But He didn't. He didn't come to conform the different sects. He came to bring grace and love to all.
If He wouldn't choose sides back then (besides His own side) then why do we imply that He chooses our side now. Republicans say because of our views on abortion and same sex marriage. Democrats say because they care about the poor, something they say the Republicans obviously don't.
I guess we can ponder this question: WWJVF - Who Would Jesus Vote For
Too bad we get wrapped up in this.....maybe there are other things that we can get wrapped up in.....like the grace of God, the moving of the Spirit, the adoration of the Son, even maybe get wrapped up in reaching out to those that haven't experience the saving grace of God.
Maybe......
Don't Vote!
Mark Noll wrote an article None of the Above: Why I am not voting for president for the The Christian Century Magazine. This is a very interesting article. One that I find myself greatly agreeing with. It is written by Dr. Mark Noll, proffesor at Wheaton College and one of the leading evangelical thinkers of our time.
Basically what Noll is saying is that he can't see himself voting for any of the candidates at this point. He finds that his "main" issues to be of paramount importance to him and none of the candidates agree with him on these. So his conclusion is to basically....not vote.
Now I don't know how much I agree with this approach. Mostly because I wouldn't know how to repsond to the people that asked me about whether or not I voted and because I feel like I am giving up my right to vote. But then again I guess I could respond by telling them that my vote was a private matter and I could think of my right as including not to vote as well.
Anyway it is something to think about and read. I found Noll's views to be pretty much the same as mine. I am Pro-Life and all the other typical "conservative" issues (morally at least) But at the same time, I have a desire for a better economy in this country and around the world. (Not just for me but for those who are poor and living in poverty or those that are struggling)
I really liked this article. Makes one think.
Basically what Noll is saying is that he can't see himself voting for any of the candidates at this point. He finds that his "main" issues to be of paramount importance to him and none of the candidates agree with him on these. So his conclusion is to basically....not vote.
Now I don't know how much I agree with this approach. Mostly because I wouldn't know how to repsond to the people that asked me about whether or not I voted and because I feel like I am giving up my right to vote. But then again I guess I could respond by telling them that my vote was a private matter and I could think of my right as including not to vote as well.
Anyway it is something to think about and read. I found Noll's views to be pretty much the same as mine. I am Pro-Life and all the other typical "conservative" issues (morally at least) But at the same time, I have a desire for a better economy in this country and around the world. (Not just for me but for those who are poor and living in poverty or those that are struggling)
I really liked this article. Makes one think.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Name calling
Quote from Yac - "One day we decided to become a follower of Christ, to seek his presence in our lives, and were doing our best to keep Jesus in our sights when we were shocked to discover our fellow "classmates" calling us names. "Ungodly. Uncommitted. Poor example. Unspiritual. Carnal. Unbiblical." In other words, 'You are "doing God" all wrong' "
It's amazing at how many times I have said that. It's even more amazing how many times I have heard that said. Why is the ones who pick on each other the most are supposed to be the ones that "you will know by their love for each other?" Don't you think that is strange?
But it's all too true. We like to find all the "wrongs" of everybody else instead of looking at ourselves. Or better yet, we spend more time "fighting" issues than seeking after God's face. That's right - I said it and I will say it again. We spend more time making fun of homosexuals and condemning them to hell than we do checking ourselves and worrying about the sin in our lives. It's easy for us to pick on "them" because we don't struggle with that sin.
But what about the ones that we do struggle with? Who's there to point them out to us and raise a big deal about them? Who's there to condemn us when we fall short of the Glory of God? (I know we always fall short but you get my point)
It's prolly cause we spend so much of our time calling people "Ungodly" and other Christianese names. We spend all of our energy tearing down others instead of focusing on what is truly important......us seeking God.
We have a "them" concept.
Now before anybody says it, I know what you are going to say. "Well, I am just calling sin, sin." Yeah. Ok. I understand that. But let me tell you as one who used to do the same things......there is more to it. I have no problem with calling sin out....but there is a way to do it. And for the most part.....we have dropped the ball. We have condemned any person that has dealt with homosexual tendencies, had an abortion, or any other "inappropriate" sin. The time is to quit condemning.....and to start loving.
final thought.....where is our grace? Didn't we recieve some?
It's amazing at how many times I have said that. It's even more amazing how many times I have heard that said. Why is the ones who pick on each other the most are supposed to be the ones that "you will know by their love for each other?" Don't you think that is strange?
But it's all too true. We like to find all the "wrongs" of everybody else instead of looking at ourselves. Or better yet, we spend more time "fighting" issues than seeking after God's face. That's right - I said it and I will say it again. We spend more time making fun of homosexuals and condemning them to hell than we do checking ourselves and worrying about the sin in our lives. It's easy for us to pick on "them" because we don't struggle with that sin.
But what about the ones that we do struggle with? Who's there to point them out to us and raise a big deal about them? Who's there to condemn us when we fall short of the Glory of God? (I know we always fall short but you get my point)
It's prolly cause we spend so much of our time calling people "Ungodly" and other Christianese names. We spend all of our energy tearing down others instead of focusing on what is truly important......us seeking God.
We have a "them" concept.
Now before anybody says it, I know what you are going to say. "Well, I am just calling sin, sin." Yeah. Ok. I understand that. But let me tell you as one who used to do the same things......there is more to it. I have no problem with calling sin out....but there is a way to do it. And for the most part.....we have dropped the ball. We have condemned any person that has dealt with homosexual tendencies, had an abortion, or any other "inappropriate" sin. The time is to quit condemning.....and to start loving.
final thought.....where is our grace? Didn't we recieve some?
Monday, October 25, 2004
Maybe I am being misunderstood......maybe not
My MSN name is the following: Ever felt like your spiritual life wasn't good enough?
Now that can be understood in many different ways. Maybe that name is not the best one since it doesn't relay a concise and easily understood definition or meaning of what I am trying to get across.
Or maybe that is the point. Maybe it's supposed to cause confusion and misunderstanding. Is that possible?
Is that wrong?
A friend asked this question: "isn't it impossible to ever have a good enough spiritual life? think about it."
Pretty good thoughts. Makes you stop and think about it doesn't it? Maybe that is exactly what it is supposed to do. Maybe the name is supposed to make you question if you believe it and question if you agree with it.
The truth behind that name is a little deeper than when you first read it. It is not meant to be a kiddie pool kinda statement but more like a lake. You don't dive into a kiddie pool, but you would a lake.
Let's take a quick dip into the lake and talk about it for a minute. Can our spiritual life ever be good enough? Are we even talking about it in a measurement kind of way?
Or could it be that I am talking about the passionate pursuit by millions of Christians to "do." That's right....do. We base our spiritual life on how much we read the Bible, how much we pray, how much we attend church, and other tangible things that we count. But a lot of time, what we do is talk about how we are not doing enough. If we read 5 chapters of the Bible a day, then we say, "Well I am not reading my Bible enough."
The question that we must answer is: What is enough? If I read the whole Bible, will I still feel like I didn't do enough? If I only read a paragraph....is that enough?
What about prayer...what is enough? If I pray for an hour in the mornings and an hour at lunch and an hour at night...would we say that is enough? OR would we say that we haven't done it enough?
I am NOT advocating not doing these things because we will never do enough. That would be a cop out. What I am doing is trying to make us think.....and to prove a point.
Maybe our spiritual life is never good enough because we try to measure it. Maybe its not good enough because we try to put performance goals and records on it. Maybe our spiritual life is not good enough because we base it on all of these things, when it should be based on Christ and Him alone. My spiritual stance before God never changes.....I am a forgiven, loved child of God. He doesn't take away my salvation or my standing before Him if I don't read my Bible every day. NO! That would be a works based religion. Instead, it is His grace that keeps me hanging on. Not any of my works....but all HIM!
So....are you basing your spiritual life on what you do or don't do?
OR are you basing it on the position you have with God through Christ?
think about it................
Now that can be understood in many different ways. Maybe that name is not the best one since it doesn't relay a concise and easily understood definition or meaning of what I am trying to get across.
Or maybe that is the point. Maybe it's supposed to cause confusion and misunderstanding. Is that possible?
Is that wrong?
A friend asked this question: "isn't it impossible to ever have a good enough spiritual life? think about it."
Pretty good thoughts. Makes you stop and think about it doesn't it? Maybe that is exactly what it is supposed to do. Maybe the name is supposed to make you question if you believe it and question if you agree with it.
The truth behind that name is a little deeper than when you first read it. It is not meant to be a kiddie pool kinda statement but more like a lake. You don't dive into a kiddie pool, but you would a lake.
Let's take a quick dip into the lake and talk about it for a minute. Can our spiritual life ever be good enough? Are we even talking about it in a measurement kind of way?
Or could it be that I am talking about the passionate pursuit by millions of Christians to "do." That's right....do. We base our spiritual life on how much we read the Bible, how much we pray, how much we attend church, and other tangible things that we count. But a lot of time, what we do is talk about how we are not doing enough. If we read 5 chapters of the Bible a day, then we say, "Well I am not reading my Bible enough."
The question that we must answer is: What is enough? If I read the whole Bible, will I still feel like I didn't do enough? If I only read a paragraph....is that enough?
What about prayer...what is enough? If I pray for an hour in the mornings and an hour at lunch and an hour at night...would we say that is enough? OR would we say that we haven't done it enough?
I am NOT advocating not doing these things because we will never do enough. That would be a cop out. What I am doing is trying to make us think.....and to prove a point.
Maybe our spiritual life is never good enough because we try to measure it. Maybe its not good enough because we try to put performance goals and records on it. Maybe our spiritual life is not good enough because we base it on all of these things, when it should be based on Christ and Him alone. My spiritual stance before God never changes.....I am a forgiven, loved child of God. He doesn't take away my salvation or my standing before Him if I don't read my Bible every day. NO! That would be a works based religion. Instead, it is His grace that keeps me hanging on. Not any of my works....but all HIM!
So....are you basing your spiritual life on what you do or don't do?
OR are you basing it on the position you have with God through Christ?
think about it................
Sunday, October 24, 2004
I don't know
I just wrote a big long paragraph that I was going to post. Actually there were more than one. But I deleted it. I wasn't saying what I was trying to say. it was coming off very badly. Or at least that is what I thought.
i was trying to say this: i hate when people imply that I am not being spiritual because i am not goo-goo eyed over Jesus. See that still doesn't come out just right. Oh well. I try.
Anyways, I felt like a person implied that those who can trust God through the hard times were more spiritual or better Christians. How does that work? When life is going horrible and I trust God, do I get "brownie points" or "heaven reward points?" I don't think so. I don't think that my spiritual life is dependent on how much I trust God during the bad times. If I trust Him more, that must mean I am more spiritual and must mean that God loves me more. If I am having a hard time during the hard times (imagine that!) then I am low on the spiritual totem pole and God's favor just decreased.
That is foolishness. My relationship with God was sealed on the cross. I do not move up or down in the sight of God. I am justified and forgiven and most importantly, right now at least, is that I am loved.
Back to the point.....why am I supposed to be spiritual during the unspiritual times? Why can't a Christian struggle with his faith and struggle with where God is in their life? Isn't that a good thing? Doesn't that mean that we are asking the hard questions and searching hard to see God? Doesn't that mean that our search is pretty hard and intense?
I don't know. I just know that I love God. Yet, I am having a hard time with all this. I am wondering why this depression seems to bite me.....and sometimes bite me when I am the most following Jesus (my opinion.) I don't know. I just don't.
This person also implied that trusting in God during the hard times is "easy." Now I resent that. It makes me feel like I am super dumb or stupid or even crazy. "Look at me, I am not good enough to trust in God when I need Him the most."
I don't know. I just hated the way I felt. And it was not only me, but Resa saw how I could take that from his comments. So I must not be too crazy, unless, Resa....well....nah...she is not crazy. So, I don't think I am overreacting, at least not too much. Sure, I know that my take on the comments are biased to my personal circumstances and therefore I must adjust accordingly.
Have any of you every experience this.....I don't know....this "superior Christian attitude?"
well have you?.....leave some comments.....
Not everybody wants to hear that.
i was trying to say this: i hate when people imply that I am not being spiritual because i am not goo-goo eyed over Jesus. See that still doesn't come out just right. Oh well. I try.
Anyways, I felt like a person implied that those who can trust God through the hard times were more spiritual or better Christians. How does that work? When life is going horrible and I trust God, do I get "brownie points" or "heaven reward points?" I don't think so. I don't think that my spiritual life is dependent on how much I trust God during the bad times. If I trust Him more, that must mean I am more spiritual and must mean that God loves me more. If I am having a hard time during the hard times (imagine that!) then I am low on the spiritual totem pole and God's favor just decreased.
That is foolishness. My relationship with God was sealed on the cross. I do not move up or down in the sight of God. I am justified and forgiven and most importantly, right now at least, is that I am loved.
Back to the point.....why am I supposed to be spiritual during the unspiritual times? Why can't a Christian struggle with his faith and struggle with where God is in their life? Isn't that a good thing? Doesn't that mean that we are asking the hard questions and searching hard to see God? Doesn't that mean that our search is pretty hard and intense?
I don't know. I just know that I love God. Yet, I am having a hard time with all this. I am wondering why this depression seems to bite me.....and sometimes bite me when I am the most following Jesus (my opinion.) I don't know. I just don't.
This person also implied that trusting in God during the hard times is "easy." Now I resent that. It makes me feel like I am super dumb or stupid or even crazy. "Look at me, I am not good enough to trust in God when I need Him the most."
I don't know. I just hated the way I felt. And it was not only me, but Resa saw how I could take that from his comments. So I must not be too crazy, unless, Resa....well....nah...she is not crazy. So, I don't think I am overreacting, at least not too much. Sure, I know that my take on the comments are biased to my personal circumstances and therefore I must adjust accordingly.
Have any of you every experience this.....I don't know....this "superior Christian attitude?"
well have you?.....leave some comments.....
Not everybody wants to hear that.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
The Great Pretender
Reading in Yac's Messy Spirituality again and came upon this quote, which I couldn't resist sharing:
There is no room for pretending in the spiritual life. Unfortunately, in many religious circles, there exists an unwritten rule. Pretend. Act like God is in control when you don't believe He is. Give the impression everything is okay in your life when it's not. Pretend you believe when you doubt; hide your imperfections; maintain the image of a perfect marriage with healthy and well-adjusted children when your amily is like any other normal dysfunctional family. And whatever you do, don't admit that you sin.
You know what....that is an awesome paragraph. Why? Because it's true. The sad thing is that weknow it, agree with it, yet for some crazy reason, we don't do anything about it. NOTHING at all.
We go throughout our days with a, "Everything is fine" face on and with our Ned Flanders attitude. We will say that everything is fine even if somebody just died.
Person 1: "So how are you doing in all this?"
Person 2 "Well, it's hard, but I am doing ok."
Why don't we just come out and be honest. Life stinks! Majorly. We just lost our mother or father or whatever. Why don't we say that we don't believe God loves us or that God is not there in it all? Why don't we become gut level honest and share what is really in our hearts and minds?
Because we are pretenders. We pretend at all costs. We are never transparent. Although we believe we are sinners, we don't think we do. Oh, we'll say that we do...or we will say, "Sure I sin" but in reality, we live as though we don't sin. We live as though we don't have struggles. I am sick and tired of people saying they sin yet do not acknowledge it in anyway. I don't believe making a general comment like, "Well, we are all sinners, including me" and then living like there is no struggles or temptations is what God wants us to do.
I am calling for us to be more honest. Not with just others but first and foremost with ourselves. We are fallen, sinners who are completely marred by sin, apart from the love and salvation of Christ. We are imperfect, lying, cheating, backbiting, people who need the grace of God more now than ever.
But do we believe that? For the most part we live life as a "perfectionist." We live like the day we were saved is the day all our sin was removed from our life (note I am not talking in regards to justification and the work of Christ.) We believe that we are not to sin anymore and that for the most part we are "good christian guys/gals." We believe that at the moment of conversion, our sins were taken from our life. We no longer should struggle with anything. And if you do....you are not trusting God.
That's bull. Seriously. We all struggle with things. We just don't want to admit it Yet, we would rather point to others sin and make it the sin that we "focus" on. For example, think of homosexuals. We put so much attention and energy into this one sin. We are afraid what these people would do to our church, family or culture. Yet, if we are to be honest, its backbiting Christians that have done the most harm to the church, family, and culture. Or gossiping. Or money loving. Or.....fill in the blank.
Do you see my point? People are sinners....especially "them."
"Now me, shoot I am doing the best I can. Sure I sin, but you know for the most part I am a good Christian guy. I don't struggle with too many sins....at least not the big ones you know. "
Whatever. Stop pretending. Stop thinking that everything is ok when you just need to be honest with yourself, God, and others about who you really are.
I know I need to. I am pitiful. I harbor anger, hold grudges, think of revenge, and am rageful. That is all this morning. Not counting the rampant thoughts that I have about things. I am bad. I am sorry....as in not good.
But.....I am trying. And I will try even harder....today, tomorrow, and hopefully the next day.
any comments?
There is no room for pretending in the spiritual life. Unfortunately, in many religious circles, there exists an unwritten rule. Pretend. Act like God is in control when you don't believe He is. Give the impression everything is okay in your life when it's not. Pretend you believe when you doubt; hide your imperfections; maintain the image of a perfect marriage with healthy and well-adjusted children when your amily is like any other normal dysfunctional family. And whatever you do, don't admit that you sin.
You know what....that is an awesome paragraph. Why? Because it's true. The sad thing is that weknow it, agree with it, yet for some crazy reason, we don't do anything about it. NOTHING at all.
We go throughout our days with a, "Everything is fine" face on and with our Ned Flanders attitude. We will say that everything is fine even if somebody just died.
Person 1: "So how are you doing in all this?"
Person 2 "Well, it's hard, but I am doing ok."
Why don't we just come out and be honest. Life stinks! Majorly. We just lost our mother or father or whatever. Why don't we say that we don't believe God loves us or that God is not there in it all? Why don't we become gut level honest and share what is really in our hearts and minds?
Because we are pretenders. We pretend at all costs. We are never transparent. Although we believe we are sinners, we don't think we do. Oh, we'll say that we do...or we will say, "Sure I sin" but in reality, we live as though we don't sin. We live as though we don't have struggles. I am sick and tired of people saying they sin yet do not acknowledge it in anyway. I don't believe making a general comment like, "Well, we are all sinners, including me" and then living like there is no struggles or temptations is what God wants us to do.
I am calling for us to be more honest. Not with just others but first and foremost with ourselves. We are fallen, sinners who are completely marred by sin, apart from the love and salvation of Christ. We are imperfect, lying, cheating, backbiting, people who need the grace of God more now than ever.
But do we believe that? For the most part we live life as a "perfectionist." We live like the day we were saved is the day all our sin was removed from our life (note I am not talking in regards to justification and the work of Christ.) We believe that we are not to sin anymore and that for the most part we are "good christian guys/gals." We believe that at the moment of conversion, our sins were taken from our life. We no longer should struggle with anything. And if you do....you are not trusting God.
That's bull. Seriously. We all struggle with things. We just don't want to admit it Yet, we would rather point to others sin and make it the sin that we "focus" on. For example, think of homosexuals. We put so much attention and energy into this one sin. We are afraid what these people would do to our church, family or culture. Yet, if we are to be honest, its backbiting Christians that have done the most harm to the church, family, and culture. Or gossiping. Or money loving. Or.....fill in the blank.
Do you see my point? People are sinners....especially "them."
"Now me, shoot I am doing the best I can. Sure I sin, but you know for the most part I am a good Christian guy. I don't struggle with too many sins....at least not the big ones you know. "
Whatever. Stop pretending. Stop thinking that everything is ok when you just need to be honest with yourself, God, and others about who you really are.
I know I need to. I am pitiful. I harbor anger, hold grudges, think of revenge, and am rageful. That is all this morning. Not counting the rampant thoughts that I have about things. I am bad. I am sorry....as in not good.
But.....I am trying. And I will try even harder....today, tomorrow, and hopefully the next day.
any comments?
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