Well, I wanted to tease you with what I have been working on for the last, oh, couple of weeks, with more emphasis this past week. You see I am working a project that deals with........are you ready........are you sure......well it deals with........me! I know, I know, you thought I was going to share something really juicy with you, didn't you? Well, I did. I let you in on the fact that I am working on something very important to me. It involves me, something I enjoy, and a job (hopefully). We'll see. Right now I am doing a lot of background work and research. I have put around 40 hours in recently just for this project. I am actually really, really excited.
I will fill you in on the full details as soon as I get some of them laid out. But I will say that this fills one of my dreams in life. We'll see how it goes and how long it lasts. (Pray that this is successful and that it lasts for as long as I want it to, and longer.)
until next time.........
Friday, November 19, 2004
From another blog......
Read this from another blog - I thought it was funny - maybe I have a warped sense of humor....
Conversation between my 8 1/2 year old son and my 88 year old Grandma.
Ethan: Hey, granny, what did you do with my super suit
Granny: I don't know, what supersuit
Ethan: You know woman, my super hero supersuit
Granny: I don't know what you are talking about Julian (Julian is my uncle that passed away last May)
Ethan: Woman, get with the program, I need my supersuit. ARGHH You just don't understand that I need that supersuit.
And off he runs to his bedroom, supposedly to look for his supersuit.
The next thing I know they are watching Spongebob Square Pants together and granny is laughing harder than Ethan.
Conversation between my 8 1/2 year old son and my 88 year old Grandma.
Ethan: Hey, granny, what did you do with my super suit
Granny: I don't know, what supersuit
Ethan: You know woman, my super hero supersuit
Granny: I don't know what you are talking about Julian (Julian is my uncle that passed away last May)
Ethan: Woman, get with the program, I need my supersuit. ARGHH You just don't understand that I need that supersuit.
And off he runs to his bedroom, supposedly to look for his supersuit.
The next thing I know they are watching Spongebob Square Pants together and granny is laughing harder than Ethan.
The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth....
I have noticed that for the most part, depression is not taken that serious. Whenever someone finds out that I deal with depression, they almost automatically say something like: "yeah me too" or "yeah I have been through that as well" or "I understand, we all go through it at one point or another."
I don't have a problem going through the same things that I go through. Actually, it is quite refreshing to talk to people who have experienced the things that I have experienced and continue to experience. However, I seriously doubt that these folks have really been through what I have been through. If people knew the things that I have done and the struggles that I have been through......I think that they would back off of their statement and if they were honest, they would probably say something like "you are one messed up dude." Which, I guess for the most part, is the truth.
I am serious here. I really get perturbed whenever someone says to me that "we've all been there before." I mean it really, well I will just say that it makes me really really mad. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has a clue the things that I go through. I don't try to explain it because I know that most won't understand or can't understand or would be judgmental. But I guess that is what "friends" are for.
In my life, I have been diagnosed with oh, about 4-5 different things. The docs are to the point where they tell me that they just don't know anymore. They tell me that we must focus on the treatment and not the diagnosis. I agree. BUT, I must say that it really sucks knowing that I am so messed up that they can't figure out what it is. Just think how that would make you feel. "We know something is wrong, but we don't know what it is." Anyways, I guess that is the way it is supposed to be.
Sometimes I really want to tell people that it is not just depression that I deal with. I want to tell them that I have been diagnosed 4-5 times and they really don't know what the deal is. I want to tell them that I have been in the hospital at least 6 times in my life because of all this. I want to tell them that what kinds of medicine I have been on and the kinds I am now taking. I want to tell them some of my thoughts. (Talking about a horror movie) But I don't. I guess I prefer the nice clean cliches to the gasps and the misunderstandings that the truth would bring.
I mean, what would you do? What would you say? How would you respond?
It's a hard question......
I don't have a problem going through the same things that I go through. Actually, it is quite refreshing to talk to people who have experienced the things that I have experienced and continue to experience. However, I seriously doubt that these folks have really been through what I have been through. If people knew the things that I have done and the struggles that I have been through......I think that they would back off of their statement and if they were honest, they would probably say something like "you are one messed up dude." Which, I guess for the most part, is the truth.
I am serious here. I really get perturbed whenever someone says to me that "we've all been there before." I mean it really, well I will just say that it makes me really really mad. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has a clue the things that I go through. I don't try to explain it because I know that most won't understand or can't understand or would be judgmental. But I guess that is what "friends" are for.
In my life, I have been diagnosed with oh, about 4-5 different things. The docs are to the point where they tell me that they just don't know anymore. They tell me that we must focus on the treatment and not the diagnosis. I agree. BUT, I must say that it really sucks knowing that I am so messed up that they can't figure out what it is. Just think how that would make you feel. "We know something is wrong, but we don't know what it is." Anyways, I guess that is the way it is supposed to be.
Sometimes I really want to tell people that it is not just depression that I deal with. I want to tell them that I have been diagnosed 4-5 times and they really don't know what the deal is. I want to tell them that I have been in the hospital at least 6 times in my life because of all this. I want to tell them that what kinds of medicine I have been on and the kinds I am now taking. I want to tell them some of my thoughts. (Talking about a horror movie) But I don't. I guess I prefer the nice clean cliches to the gasps and the misunderstandings that the truth would bring.
I mean, what would you do? What would you say? How would you respond?
It's a hard question......
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Short post
Well today is going to be a long one. I only slept around 4 1/2 hours last night. I didn't go to bed till 4:30 and even then I wasn't sleepy. I imagine I will be run down by this evening. Resa has a game tonight so that will keep me busy - a good thing - till later.
Today, I am going to a funeral. One of my closest friends, Chris, lost his mother to a brain tumor this week. I am praying for him and I hope that you will pray for him too. He has a lot going on with the cancer surgery and now with this. He is strong and a source of inspiration for me. I have been through this before and I hope that I can be whatever he needs me to be.
Pray for him!
Well, I am running late as usual........so off I go.........
look for a post this evening sometime.......i might let you in on my new "project" i am working on....
Today, I am going to a funeral. One of my closest friends, Chris, lost his mother to a brain tumor this week. I am praying for him and I hope that you will pray for him too. He has a lot going on with the cancer surgery and now with this. He is strong and a source of inspiration for me. I have been through this before and I hope that I can be whatever he needs me to be.
Pray for him!
Well, I am running late as usual........so off I go.........
look for a post this evening sometime.......i might let you in on my new "project" i am working on....
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
I liked this post.....
Was doing my normal reading for the night on the different blogs that I normally check and I ran into this. I really like this blog called - Captain Sacrament.
Go check out the post I am talking about here: Click Here.
Go check out the blog here: Click Here.
Go check out the post I am talking about here: Click Here.
Go check out the blog here: Click Here.
Words with no rhyme or reason
Words with no rhyme or reason - let me know what you think:
The beauty of life under siege
Honestly
I can’t believe
The outcome of faded dreams
You see
It’s been harder and harder, through all this pain
Will I survive in this death game
I have no shame
Casualties of fame
All my homies think I am insane
I might be, but nobody knows and who really cares
It’s so hard and it sure ain’t fair –
But thats neither here nor there
I got to roll on
And be strong
It won’t be long –
Till we’re all gone
But what if I am all wrong?
What will I do –
To make it through
The next day
So many things I wanted to do
And wanted to say
Before my judgment day.
I’m so sick of trying –
He’s offering – but I ain’t buying –
Fear of life got me crying –
If I said I didn’t think of it – I’d be lying
I feel like I am slowly dying –
Waiting for the end of time.
This death game is a hard bout
It leaves me with all kinds of doubt –
I thought I was strong, I thought I was stout
Humility has left me with no clout
Until it’s time – I’m out
The beauty of life under siege
Honestly
I can’t believe
The outcome of faded dreams
You see
It’s been harder and harder, through all this pain
Will I survive in this death game
I have no shame
Casualties of fame
All my homies think I am insane
I might be, but nobody knows and who really cares
It’s so hard and it sure ain’t fair –
But thats neither here nor there
I got to roll on
And be strong
It won’t be long –
Till we’re all gone
But what if I am all wrong?
What will I do –
To make it through
The next day
So many things I wanted to do
And wanted to say
Before my judgment day.
I’m so sick of trying –
He’s offering – but I ain’t buying –
Fear of life got me crying –
If I said I didn’t think of it – I’d be lying
I feel like I am slowly dying –
Waiting for the end of time.
This death game is a hard bout
It leaves me with all kinds of doubt –
I thought I was strong, I thought I was stout
Humility has left me with no clout
Until it’s time – I’m out
Real Live Preacher - Part 2
Today, Real Live Preacher has part two of his story up. If you haven't read part one yet, scroll down and find the link from a couple of days ago - I think Monday.
This guy has a way of putting a different spin on biblical stories. This might not be the way it happened, but it sure is fun reading it and imagining it.
Check it out at: Real Live Preacher
This guy has a way of putting a different spin on biblical stories. This might not be the way it happened, but it sure is fun reading it and imagining it.
Check it out at: Real Live Preacher
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Christian Singer with questioning heart
This article is about Christian singer/songwriter Chris Rice. Usually, I hold most CCM singers in a special category - labeled Christian Sub-Culture. Now I know that not all of the CCM singers are in this "Christian ghetto" but for the most part, most are. I won't take the time to list the exceptions - hopefully you can see them for yourself.
Chris Rice is a special breed. He doesn't fall into the typical "ghetto" category. His songwriting abilities are exceptionally phenomenal. He doesn't write all these "feel - good" songs, but writes songs for those who may be questioning God. For those who are going through a hard time. For those who have lost their way on this journey called discipleship/life.
I was pleased to learn that Rice too has a questioning heart. To me, that makes a world of difference. To know that he struggles with things and is not afraid to write about it. It is refreshing.
Maybe I need to listen to some of his music. It might prove helpful.
Check out the article here.
until next time......
Chris Rice is a special breed. He doesn't fall into the typical "ghetto" category. His songwriting abilities are exceptionally phenomenal. He doesn't write all these "feel - good" songs, but writes songs for those who may be questioning God. For those who are going through a hard time. For those who have lost their way on this journey called discipleship/life.
I was pleased to learn that Rice too has a questioning heart. To me, that makes a world of difference. To know that he struggles with things and is not afraid to write about it. It is refreshing.
Maybe I need to listen to some of his music. It might prove helpful.
Check out the article here.
until next time......
Monday, November 15, 2004
Brennan Manning Interview
This interview is just what I needed to hear today. Actually, I think that this is what almost all of us needs to hear today and tomorrow and everyday.
Let me give you a little bit of the interview to wet your appetite....
Paula: What do you mean when you talk in Abba’s Child about “being loved in your sinfulness”?
Brennan: In some ways it’s about making peace with our brokenness as human beings who are made in His image but who woefully fall short. We somehow think that pop psychology or positive thinking or getting enough people to mirror back our lovableness is what will bring us to a place of self-acceptance. It doesn’t work that way.
Self-acceptance is the experience of salvation rooted in the acceptance of Jesus Christ on Calvary. And when we surrender with childlike confidence and trust that Jesus accepts us as we are--even in our sinfulness--that becomes the root of our own self-acceptance. Then, paradoxically, we are free to forget ourselves and turn our eyes toward Jesus and other people.
Good stuff eh? I will tell you that "Abba's Child" is probably one of my favorite and most influential books that I have ever read or even put my eyes on. The last time I read it, it changed my outlook and changed my life. Maybe I need to read it again.
To know that God loves me for who I am, right now - and not who I try to be, nor who I pretend to be - is one awesome and encouraging truth.
Oh, that we all may live in that truth. That we may savor it for all of its worth.
until next time.......
Let me give you a little bit of the interview to wet your appetite....
Paula: What do you mean when you talk in Abba’s Child about “being loved in your sinfulness”?
Brennan: In some ways it’s about making peace with our brokenness as human beings who are made in His image but who woefully fall short. We somehow think that pop psychology or positive thinking or getting enough people to mirror back our lovableness is what will bring us to a place of self-acceptance. It doesn’t work that way.
Self-acceptance is the experience of salvation rooted in the acceptance of Jesus Christ on Calvary. And when we surrender with childlike confidence and trust that Jesus accepts us as we are--even in our sinfulness--that becomes the root of our own self-acceptance. Then, paradoxically, we are free to forget ourselves and turn our eyes toward Jesus and other people.
Good stuff eh? I will tell you that "Abba's Child" is probably one of my favorite and most influential books that I have ever read or even put my eyes on. The last time I read it, it changed my outlook and changed my life. Maybe I need to read it again.
To know that God loves me for who I am, right now - and not who I try to be, nor who I pretend to be - is one awesome and encouraging truth.
Oh, that we all may live in that truth. That we may savor it for all of its worth.
until next time.......
Real Live Preacher
The following is one of the blogs that I check on a daily basis. Real Live Preacher is a blog that has a wide following throughout the internet world. It started out anonymous but now the author is outed. He has a new book out that is based on some of his writings.
Real Live Preacher has an awesome narrative on it today. Real Live Preacher takes Biblical stories and retells them in creative ways. No - he does not intend to be literal and NO - he does not mean to offend. He just hopes to add some creativity to the stories and put himself in the middle. I think he does a wonderful job. This story that he tells today does a good job of putting you in the middle.
Check out Real Live Preacher today!
Real Live Preacher has an awesome narrative on it today. Real Live Preacher takes Biblical stories and retells them in creative ways. No - he does not intend to be literal and NO - he does not mean to offend. He just hopes to add some creativity to the stories and put himself in the middle. I think he does a wonderful job. This story that he tells today does a good job of putting you in the middle.
Check out Real Live Preacher today!
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