I don't know

I just wrote a big long paragraph that I was going to post. Actually there were more than one. But I deleted it. I wasn't saying what I was trying to say. it was coming off very badly. Or at least that is what I thought.

i was trying to say this: i hate when people imply that I am not being spiritual because i am not goo-goo eyed over Jesus. See that still doesn't come out just right. Oh well. I try.

Anyways, I felt like a person implied that those who can trust God through the hard times were more spiritual or better Christians. How does that work? When life is going horrible and I trust God, do I get "brownie points" or "heaven reward points?" I don't think so. I don't think that my spiritual life is dependent on how much I trust God during the bad times. If I trust Him more, that must mean I am more spiritual and must mean that God loves me more. If I am having a hard time during the hard times (imagine that!) then I am low on the spiritual totem pole and God's favor just decreased.

That is foolishness. My relationship with God was sealed on the cross. I do not move up or down in the sight of God. I am justified and forgiven and most importantly, right now at least, is that I am loved.

Back to the point.....why am I supposed to be spiritual during the unspiritual times? Why can't a Christian struggle with his faith and struggle with where God is in their life? Isn't that a good thing? Doesn't that mean that we are asking the hard questions and searching hard to see God? Doesn't that mean that our search is pretty hard and intense?

I don't know. I just know that I love God. Yet, I am having a hard time with all this. I am wondering why this depression seems to bite me.....and sometimes bite me when I am the most following Jesus (my opinion.) I don't know. I just don't.

This person also implied that trusting in God during the hard times is "easy." Now I resent that. It makes me feel like I am super dumb or stupid or even crazy. "Look at me, I am not good enough to trust in God when I need Him the most."

I don't know. I just hated the way I felt. And it was not only me, but Resa saw how I could take that from his comments. So I must not be too crazy, unless, Resa....well....nah...she is not crazy. So, I don't think I am overreacting, at least not too much. Sure, I know that my take on the comments are biased to my personal circumstances and therefore I must adjust accordingly.

Have any of you every experience this.....I don't know....this "superior Christian attitude?"

well have you?.....leave some comments.....

Not everybody wants to hear that.