We just got done watching this movie. All I can say is: WOW! It was one of those movies that is sad not only due to the plot but also because of the scenes that are within the movie.
The movie showed so many pictures of starving refugees and victims of civil war. It was truly......eye awakening. Actually, it was breath-taking. I found myself totally moved by what I saw. There are some scenes with this little boy in it that......well got me to thinking.
What in the world am I doing for the "least of my brethern"?
Seriously....I am feeling like I have dropped the ball. I feel like it is the Super Bowl and I have just fumbled in the endzone. I mean, this movie was about relief workers sacrificing it all for the "least of my brethern."
What in the world am I doing with my life? Am I wasting my life, like John Piper warns? I have been on staff as a youth minister for a total of around 3 1/2 years of my life, with the last 2 being on staff here at Pellville. I have "served" the Lord. I have "done my duty." Why am I not satisfied with my performance/life? I answered the call and did what I felt God called me to do. I tried my best and gave it 100% yet I feel unsatisfied. I have a deep desire to reach the outcast of the world. I have a desire to make a difference, not only "in the Lord" but in LIFE!
I know that some of you may think that I have over-reacted. But I don't think so. I think that my reaction is normal. I want to make a difference in the world, however that may be. Maybe its as a minister or maybe its as a social worker. I wished I could join the military and serve my country but I can't. I wish that I was rich and would be able to devote my time and resources to reaching those that are without. But I am not. I am worried about paying for my electricity while there are those out there that don't get 700 calories in a day....BTW I prolly get 700 calories in a bite!
I think I am spoiled. I am like most Americans and have no glopal vision. I have no "sense" of what is going on. And for the most part I don't care. Now that sounds bad but what I mean is that my attitude reflects my lack of concern. I do care. I want to do something about it....but like most I know not where to start. I guess a start was when my wife and I started sponsoring a little girl in Haiti through Compassion International (http://www.compassion.net).
Man am I sick. I just feel like I am letting God down. I don't feel like I am making a difference for those that need the difference the most. I have always felt like God wanted me and called me to reach the toughest cases. I always thought that I would be a martyr for Him in Indonesia or some far off land. But then I started dealing with depression, among other things, and found out that most mission agencies won't send one with serious depression due to the instability of a mission field. So what is it that God wants me to do? Work in the inner cities of America, reaching the youth? Go to Sudan or Cambodia to reach those that have not? I don't know but I know I want to make a difference.......
do you?
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