Well the trip is decided...

Well, the trip to CTS is decided. Maybe I should fill you in a bit....

CTS is Christian Theological Seminary and is located in Indianapolis Indiana and is where me and Resa are considering going to seminary, starting in January for the Spring semester. It is a seminary that it is associated with the Disciples of Christ but has an ecumenical appeal. The goal and hope is that we will get full tuition scholarships and maybe even some kind of stipend.

The more I read about the seminary, the more I really feel it to be the right decision. I was telling Joe Bob, I don't know what it is about CTS but it really seems to be the right choice.

I guess we will see in 2 weeks....

A peep into the poetical mind.....

Words never straight always being turned
Every ounce of body, hair, feeling burned
Why so much trouble, why so much strife
Why must I continue in this desecrated life
The harder I try to stop, the more I begin to bleed
Plot becoming clearer, I am the poisoned seed
Left for destruction, bred for seasoned pain
Words are all that are left, the only way to maintain
Or complain, or blame, the blackened train
On its way to leave me scarred and lame

Must I continue, must I go forth?
Must I strive to prove, my self worth?
What happens if I can’t do it?
What happens if I refuse?
What happens if I can’t commit
And my breath is all that is abused?

States

I found this little thingy on Nomey's blog so I decided to give it a whirl to see where I "stack" up...


bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C. /

Go HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you.

Just a quick word.....

I am just posting a little word or two, for discipline's sake. I know I need to blog - and so I do. Things have been crazy for me as they always are. Depression, or whatever it is, has constantly plagued me. I have struggled with every fiber of my body to just make it out of bed for class, only to find myself back in bed later. I don't know what is wrong with me - like I have ever known.

Resa and I are discussing some changes in our lives. How they work out for us is yet to be seeen....


until then,

And it goes on......

My attempts at regular blogging has fallen....somewhat short of my goal. To be honest...which i always try to do.....anything but going to class out of necessity and sleeping....i have not had much desire or energy to do anything else.

My journey of late has been a long torturing event. i have been or am struggling over too many "big" things and it is only adding to the pressure that this depression seems to have on me. it seems to be the same stuff for me, those things that are constantly bothering me....like......ministry, spirituality, my walk with Christ, my future, my "vocation" as Merton would call it, my relationship with my wife, my.....well it keeps going....

Just another day.....

You know I think I can figure out why I stopped blogging. I have discovered that is difficult to write or share my feelings and thoughts when it is difficult to get out of bed and more importantly, stay out of bed. The last couple of days have been just that......difficult.

But life goes on.

Today, I will go and meet with the priest from the Episcopal church. I have many questions about the church as well as future ministry. I will let you know how things go......


until then

One of those quiz things....

I love reading my buddy's blogs, Nomey and Steve. They seem to provoke thoughts and better yet are there as friends. After reading Nomey's blog (and blessings to you my brother) and about his time with God on the way to Cape.....I clicked over to Steve's blog. He had his results for one of those quizes that are so fun to do that tells you "what your theological worldview is" and so I took the quiz and here are my results....

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/ Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this. Emergent/Postmodern 96% Modern Liberal 75% Roman Catholic 57% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 57% Classical Liberal 54% Neo orthodox 46% Reformed Evangelical 29% Fundamentalist 14% Charismatic/Pentecostal 11% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

On that note, maybe God is trying to tell me something here......anyhow, take the quiz and let us know how you did.....

until then.........

Big difference

Saturday, a couple of our former youth came and stayed the night with us. It was a fun time and we all looked forward to going to church together today. I knew that they would probably enjoy one of the larger churches in town and so we made plans to go there.....but I was going to get up and go to St. Paul's Episcopal Church for their early service. Me and one of the former youth got up and went to St. Paul's first and then to Bethel Temple.

To say that there was a difference in the worship styles would be stating the overly obvious. Of course there would be a difference in the worship styles. But thinking back, I really see the difference is not so much preference per each denomination/church but more philosophically. I would like to think that the goal is the same: leading people into God's presence. It is just funny how they attempt to do that. One through the sacred and holy and the other through praise choruses and "dynamic" preaching.

The difference couldn't be any starker. My preference have always been praise chorus over hymns....dynamic sermons with dynamic personalities over....well anything else.....commuincation and fellowship during worship over silence and reverence.....and well the list could go on. Each preference could be explained pretty simple. But things are so different now. I totally enjoyed the sacred this morning. The "repetitive" prayers/responsive readings are more than words but the echo of hearts from years gone by through today using biblical language.

And there was the "quiet." The quiet pierces the business of the world with internet access and blogging and cable television and touches to where Merton thinks a man truly lives....the solitude. My heart leaped with the silence and reverence as if I was watching a million different TV's - all the excited by the stillness. Instead of my mind wondering off and my thoughts racing, it was captivated by the "sacred" as if I was watching some horrible wreck and just couldn't turn away. No desire to read something else or think about something else or to attempt to fill my time with a million things. No....the stillness and "sacred" was much more captivating. Maybe because it had my mind, heart and soul. Wait....isn't that something in the bible?

Anyways.....there is a big difference for this "southern baptist" who has a desire now to learn the sign of the cross, buy an Anglican rosary, and to sit and talk with the local priest. Yep. There is a big difference.......

Maybe a certain "person" will still think of me as a Christian if I "become" Anglican/Episcopalian......


well....we'll see at least......

until then.......

I hate

It's Thursday.....and I just got back from my first final exam of this summer session. The class was Intro to Public Relations. We did something completely different than what I was used to....and that is we did a group test. It was one of those convince the teacher to do it things. She agreed and we took the test. The exciting thing was that we all mad an "A" on the final which means that I will have an "A" for the class.

I only have one more day left for this summer session and then will have a couple of days before the next one, where I will have a biology and algebra class. Yipee! I hate both subjects and therefore dread those classes.

My mind is fried from the test we took. I was not very prepared (not that I have been all semester).

Which leads me to my next issue....I am becoming restless again. I am barely able to make it on a daily basis. I don't know if that is because the depression is coming and going or because I really hate where I am right now. It's not that I hate Evansville or even Indiana. It's not that I hate the university. I hate studying the things I am studying. I hate not having any sense of peace or enjoyment. I hate not having any stability in my life (which in reality, I have never really had).

I guess you could say that I hate my "lot"

Most would respond to me telling me that this complaining is vain (but isn't all complaining?) They would even tell me that its my fault or that I somehow deserve it, which maybe I do. Some would take the "high" ground and tell me to just relax and enjoy where I am in life, which I need to do.

However, none of them really solve my feelings. They get at part of it, but not really the heart.

I am not really sure why this struggle seems to be my only companion in this journey, but nonetheless it accompanies me as a dear friend would....Always there and never absent.

Damn the luck......or draw.....or....whatever.

Until next time.......

BTW

Feel free to email me or post comments......now that I am back in the swing of things.....I would love to hear from all of you.......

A new day is born.....

Well......a new day is born. But don't let it fool you. It is not a day that is born in hope. No, it is born out of the necessity of thoughts to take shape and expression. I have spent the last, however long, striving to get to that place to post again on the Ravished blog....waiting patiently to get to the place where I can say that I was ravished again. Waiting to get to the place where everything is OK again and I am "fine" Unfortunately that time has not come. And I have realized that it might not come. I have realized that it shouldn't come. Being "ravished" implies that I will arrive. I won't. That is the point isn't it?

Until I arrive - I have to get back into this.....this.......state of expression and freedom of thought creation and articulation.

Will you journey with me? Will I be alone? Will this be another failed attempt? Who cares?

Nonetheless - it has been my blogging friends who have inspired me. Nomey and Steve - thanks for emailing me just to say hey - you guys are truly friends.

until the next time.........

Old computers

well - i guess i will make my plea here on my blog - if anybody has used computers that they are wanting to get rid of - please send it my way. i really nead a laptop but i know that is unlikely.

anyways - look for my update on school life......


i do have some very controversial thoughts - well controversial compared to my legalist background.........


until then........

well, here i am

life has been, well, hectic the last month - we have moved - i have started back to school - and well everything else has been crazy.

i guess it's a new stage - or phase in life. that of one who is studying social work and setting out to make a difference in the world. not just making an impact with Christ - but making one with Christ. You see, i am beginning to understand that sometimes we make less of an impact in "Jesus name" than if we were doing things in Jesus name. There is a difference and a large difference at that. The difference is this - sometimes we spend too much time saying Jesus than we do living Jesus.

think on that......