Friends

I got an email that Levi sent out today to all of his friends. Well, probably not all, but you know what I mean. It got me to thinking about my friends. Or should I say "friends."

For the most part, my life has been filled with an attitude that 2Pac had when he said something like, "sometimes your friends are the ones you have to be close because they turn out to be your enemies."

I have found this true in many cases and situations. Its a shame too. One should at least be able to trust his friends shouldn't he? I would think so. But sometimes you can't.

I have, through the years, found many "true" friends. Ones that I feel like truly care for me (or for me and Resa). I know back in the 'Ville....there is Leslie Riggs. We have been friends for, wow, its been around 10 years now. Ever since my freshman year, me and Leslie have been friends. Although I look at him as more than a friend....more like a brother or I don't know....just whatever is more than a friend. He has stuck by me through it all....even when I was a jerk. He was there for me and hopefully, I was there for him whenever he needed me. Still to this day, I know I can depend on Les. And I hope he knows that he can depend on me.

Then there are some of my former youth - Matt, Jake, and JJ. I consider them more like friends than former youth now. I don't see JJ very much, but Resa and I have considered him as our adopted son. Matt and Jake, "the boys" as my wife calls them, are away at school, but I would still consider us as pretty close friends. I enjoy hanging out with them. Matt and I share a love for writing. I am actually planning on going and seeing him tomorrow. I am grateful for their friendship and support!

On through the years has seen many friends in my life. Michael. Jeff. Brian. (I hope I spelled that right...you would think I know how.) Many, many others.

Now I am surrounded by some good friends....ones I know that are there for me, both in person and online. Chris is one of those. He and I act very similarly and always have a ball whenever we get "goofy." Chris is going through a hard time, dealing with cancer. He has been there for me and hopefully I will be there for him when he needs me. Then there's Nathan. Nathan and I got close, prolly, because of Upward. But now, we remain strong friends and I know I can depend on him. He can depend on me.

Then there are my online buddies....Michael down in Mayfield...and Levi in Tennessee. And Jim Tom. He has really been there through all this and has been concerned for me. He has gone out of his way for me. I know he is concerned because others have told me that he was. He is sincere in his care.

I am glad that I can say that I have all these friends.

But then there are those who have pretended to be my friend. Those that are out for no one but themselves and care for no one but themselves. These are the ones, far too many, who have my attitude tainted. All of these "friends" make me not want to trust anyone.

That's a shame.

Then there is Resa. She is the epitome of what a friend should be. She is my everything and the one I know I can trust. I love her so much. Today is our anniversary. 3 years. It has been the best 3 years of my life, spending it next to my best friend and wife.

Happy Anniversary!

Made me think

I have been doing some reading in the YS Message Forum about the Bishop that was ordained in the Episcopal church. I am sure most of you remember this story. The Bishop was an "unrepentant" homosexual and they went ahead and ordained him as Bishop.

It is a very interesting discussion that I am enjoying. I alway enjoy when I am stretched to thinking things I have never thought of before. I have increasingly found that I am more close-minded than what I should be. I have done what I have always taught not to do. I have taken some of my beliefs from those that have "told" me what to believe. I have never questioned things and I have never studies things for myself.

I believe that this is wrong for a disciple of Christ to do. It is true that orthodoxy is important but so is studying things for yourself. We have to be careful of not taking things for granted and believing just because, "we are supposed to."

I am not second guessing anything huge. I am not even questioning homosexuality. What I am questioning is my practice of not studying things out for myself and for being arrogant to believe that my interpretation of things is the only one that could possibly be "right."

I believe, for the most part, that I have been living my life as a LEGALIST. I have made things into laws and have lived accordingly. But the problems semes to be when I have made things into "laws" that are not in fact, laws. There are things that I thought wrong, where in fact they are not wrong.

We have to remember that just because we think something wrong, does not make it wrong. I may think wearing hats is wrong, but that does not make it wrong. We have to be careful to not be overly influenced by things that should not influence us.....like friends, leaders, culture, and our own arrogant pride. We must be careful to carefully weigh things and go to scripture with them. The "theme" of scripture should be the overriding principle for us. But once again I must warn us from taking scripture and turning it into a law. I really get irked whenever one takes a scripture (just one verse) and then proceeds to use that verse like a dagger, attempting to cut everything up. We have all heard the misuse of the verse "judge not lest ye be judged" but we fail to recognize the verses that we use. We are blind to our own faults and quick to judge others.

It is kinda like this whole homosexuality thing. I feel that there is an over-emphasis on homosexuality. I feel like we have set out to crucify those that have this "issue" or "sin" or whatever you want to call it. But the thing we do not do is look to the backbiters, gossips, lovers of money, those that "hate" in their heart, and a ton of other "issues" or "sins."

In 1 Timothy 3 - Paul lays out the qualifications of an overseer. Most scholars believe that to be equal to pastor, elder and so forth. He gives such qualifications....peacable, gentle, able to teach, hospitable, prudent, temperate, above reproach, not addicted to wine (OH MY, it doesn't say not drink wine but don't be addicted!...maybe its talking about grape juice...that would be bad to be addicted to grape juice), pugnacious (combative or set out to fight), keep their children under control with dignity, not a new convert (what constitutes new? 2 years, 5 years, or 3 months, or 6 months or what?), and of good reputation (so what happens when a pastor gets a bad rep, should he step down?) Why don't we ever call out pastors that have wild kids that are living in open sin....even in high school? Why don't we call out pastors that are not exercising moderation and restraint (temperance)?

Do you see my point? My big problem is not telling a homosexual that he can't be a pastor....my "BIG" problem is whenever we don't hold to the other things. We love to emphasize whatever proves our point or whatever sin that we do not struggle with. But God forbid somebody call us out on our sin....we are ....

What is my point? That is what I am wondering.

Just random thoughts from things that made me think

Another day....

I woke up this morning at 6:30. That wouldn't be so bad and actually would be desired if I hadn't went to bed at 1:30 last night. So I guess I will survive on 5 hours of sleeping. I was kinda happy I woke up. I got to talk to Resa this morning before she went to school. I heated up breakfast for her so that she would have a "good" breakfast for her first day at her new job. She is very nervous but I am sure that she will do fine. She is so talented that I have no doubt that English will soon become her new forte.

I have a ton of things to do today. I just hope that I get everything accomplished. I'll probably go to the church early so that I can get my letters ready to send out.

****************************************

Well, last night was my last night as youth minister at PBC. I am not sure how I feel about it. Emotions are running close together right now. I am sad in so many ways, angered in so many ways, and happy in a few ways. The bad emotions are offset by a sense of excitement of what God has next. I am trying to have a positive attitude about this and anxiously await what it is that God has in store for me. I am also excited about going back to school, although I am not sure how I will do.

I'll have more thoughts on this later....or at least I think I might....

Beyond Borders

We just got done watching this movie. All I can say is: WOW! It was one of those movies that is sad not only due to the plot but also because of the scenes that are within the movie.

The movie showed so many pictures of starving refugees and victims of civil war. It was truly......eye awakening. Actually, it was breath-taking. I found myself totally moved by what I saw. There are some scenes with this little boy in it that......well got me to thinking.

What in the world am I doing for the "least of my brethern"?

Seriously....I am feeling like I have dropped the ball. I feel like it is the Super Bowl and I have just fumbled in the endzone. I mean, this movie was about relief workers sacrificing it all for the "least of my brethern."

What in the world am I doing with my life? Am I wasting my life, like John Piper warns? I have been on staff as a youth minister for a total of around 3 1/2 years of my life, with the last 2 being on staff here at Pellville. I have "served" the Lord. I have "done my duty." Why am I not satisfied with my performance/life? I answered the call and did what I felt God called me to do. I tried my best and gave it 100% yet I feel unsatisfied. I have a deep desire to reach the outcast of the world. I have a desire to make a difference, not only "in the Lord" but in LIFE!

I know that some of you may think that I have over-reacted. But I don't think so. I think that my reaction is normal. I want to make a difference in the world, however that may be. Maybe its as a minister or maybe its as a social worker. I wished I could join the military and serve my country but I can't. I wish that I was rich and would be able to devote my time and resources to reaching those that are without. But I am not. I am worried about paying for my electricity while there are those out there that don't get 700 calories in a day....BTW I prolly get 700 calories in a bite!

I think I am spoiled. I am like most Americans and have no glopal vision. I have no "sense" of what is going on. And for the most part I don't care. Now that sounds bad but what I mean is that my attitude reflects my lack of concern. I do care. I want to do something about it....but like most I know not where to start. I guess a start was when my wife and I started sponsoring a little girl in Haiti through Compassion International (http://www.compassion.net).

Man am I sick. I just feel like I am letting God down. I don't feel like I am making a difference for those that need the difference the most. I have always felt like God wanted me and called me to reach the toughest cases. I always thought that I would be a martyr for Him in Indonesia or some far off land. But then I started dealing with depression, among other things, and found out that most mission agencies won't send one with serious depression due to the instability of a mission field. So what is it that God wants me to do? Work in the inner cities of America, reaching the youth? Go to Sudan or Cambodia to reach those that have not? I don't know but I know I want to make a difference.......

do you?

Things I did

It has been a fun two days for me. Me and Resa went to Tennessee to see my sister, two nieces and my brother-n-law. It was a really good time. My sister did our hair (cut and highlights for Resa and highlights for me) for free. She is so generous and giving. Gotta love her. She is truly "family" to me.

Me and Resa had a good time driving home Friday. We talked almost all the way home. It was good and interesting conversation. I really do enjoy talking to my wife. She is so wonderful and is the greatest wife and friend anyone could want. You have to physically make yourself not love her....she is just that lovable. There is no way I can make it without her. Plus, she says really nice things about me behind my back (http://howrandomisthat.blogspot.com - which is her blog) She is truly awesome.

Last night, me and Nathan went to the HCHS game at McLean county. It was fun and I had a good time....although it was cold. The Hornets pulled out another impressive victory and move their record to 7-1. They have a good chance of doing some good things this year in the playoffs.

This morning, I sit here thinking about things I need to do. I need to do some work on my lessons for tomorrow, I need to go and put the songs in the computer for worship tomorrow, and I need to go see my buddy Chris.

Well....thats it for now....stay tuned.......

Is it possible?

I woke up this morning before Resa. That is pretty rare considering I went to bed later than she. I couldn't sleep last night. And obviously couldn't stay asleep this morning. I woke up this morning thinking about following Jesus. Actually, that is what woke me up.

Here is the question: is it possible that we have turned following Jesus into legalism? Don't understand? Let me explain.

I think that we have our preconcieved notions of what following Jesus means. We think of someone who listens to Christian music, has a fish on their car, wears Testimony Tees and acts a certain way. We all have our biased opinion of what a follower of Jesus is.

But is that what makes a follower of Jesus? Is it these ideas that are merely external? Or is there more to it......a heart issue?

For example, suppose that a young gentleman decides to trust in Jesus and become a follower. (I restrain from saying "He got saved") Now, due to circumstances, he has "gotten" away from all the influences that led him to Christ (fundamental, conservative Christians). He no longer has someone to disciple him and to help teach him how to follow Christ. Because of this, he starts listening to "secular" music....cussing.....drinking socially......smoking on occasion......stops going to church, which never liked him anyway......and even has casual sex with his girlfriend. All of this done with no idea that it is "wrong."

Is he still a follower of Christ?

Now before you answer....think about this: Following Jesus is a heart issue. Its internal not external. Anything else becomes works based and negates the Cross of Christ.

Is he still a follower of Christ? Was he ever a follower of Christ? He truly believed yet he doesn't look it or act it. What's the deal?

I thought I was!

Something that has been on my mind as of late, is the fact that this latest depressive episode occurred at the time in my life when I was most committed to God. It was a time in my life where my devotional life/quiet time was strong and consistent and it was a time in my life where I was, at least I thought, trusting in God the most.

I don't understand it. We teach that we are supposed to trust fully in God and depend completely on Him. We teach that, by doing this, we are doing God's will. Trust in God is what we tell people. It's our answer for all problems. Having problems at work? Well, trust in God. Having problems in your marriage? Well, trust in God. Family member have cancer? Well, you both need to trust in God.

You see....every problem that comes up has a final solution of trusting in God. But what happens when we do that, trust in God, and things still go to ......well falls apart.

I thought I was trusting in God. At least I was doing it in a way that I never have before and in a way that I can only hope to once again attain. I had put everything back into God's court. I quit depending on Drew and started letting God take control of things. I read books talking about "ruthless trust" and about my relationship as "Abba's child." I listened to music by a guy who was trusting God after he lost his wife at the age of 24.

So what happened?

I don't know. But I do know I need more of an answer than, well, it will all work out. I need more than, it will all work out for good (Romans 8:28). I need more than it was God's will.

I know I need more because what I need now is Christ. I need my Savior to hold me and love me and care for me in ways that no one can but Him. I need my Savior to love me. That is what I need......His love. You see, I know I am "Abba's child" and that brings a special relationship with the God of all things. So what I need.....is my God to reach down to me, love me like only He can, and tell me that "Son, I am going to take care of all this, just you wait and see."

But that doesn't mean that it is any easier. No its not at all. I still want an answer. I still want an understanding of what happened and why it happened. I still want to get back to where I was, spiritually. Well, that is if that is where God wants me Spiritually. Maybe, God doesn't want me to depend on Him in the way that I was. Maybe He wants more faith and by golly, He will stop at no ends to make my faith what it should be.

But its really hard for me right now. To say different would be a lie. It's hard for me to have full faith in God when I have been this route before and my life came crashing down. But I trust Him. I trust that its all gonna work out. It is a very simple trust....not a deep trust nor a "Super-Godly trust" but a very simple trust.

I just pray that He makes it what He wants it to be. Without Him I am nothing....nor will I ever be anything.

The Future (for me and Resa at least)

Well, the future of Drew has been on my mind a lot lately. Where will I go? What will I do when I get there? How long, till I know for sure what God wants for me in my life? All these questions linger around my mind as I try to hash it all out.

Resa and I have talked about going to Evansville Indiana and me go back to school at University of Southern Indiana. As of right now, that is the plan. But the problems do come, as they always do in my life.

1) Where will we live? Resa just got an interim at the high school and will be filling in for it for around 12 weeks till the end of the school year. That makes living in Evansville hard, due to her having to drive so much. However, USI's married housing is extremely cheap. I mean so cheap that we will save around 300-350 a month which equals between 3600 - 4200 a year. YISER! That is a lot of money. So we are kinda stuck on what to do...I want to be the good husband in this decision yet I find my decision benefiting me more than her. I don't want her to have to drive yet I don't want to put extra financial burden on us. We have enough of that as it is. We could live in between Evansville and Hawesville but that still has both of us driving and me driving everyday to Evansville, so that really doesn't do much good. Please pray for us as we are trying to decide what to do. I will need to be turning in my housing deposit pretty soon so this decision is one that will have to be made soon. It would be easy to make the decision if we knew that she would have a teaching job for sure next year. We would have to live in Owensboro or somewhere so that she could teach. Its just that this not knowing is tearing us apart. Not literally tearing me and Resa apart but tearing us up inside.....if that makes sense.

2) What will I do? OR the most important question: What will I study? This has been a very lively debate for the last couple of years in my life. Usually I was limiting to something that was cheap and available distance so no matter where I was I could do the program. Well now, USI is cheap and they have all the majors one could possibly want. So the question is what do I study?
As of right now, I see myself studying for my Bachelors in Social Work and then continuing on to the MSW degree. I think ultimately I would like to run an inner city/city youth center, reaching out to teens. But the MSW would give me plenty of options if that didn't work out. I love people. I especially love teens and feel that I can help them become better people as they pursue their dreams and aspirations.

So I guess that is all for now....oh yeah:

I just wanted to say thanks for reading this blog.....and come back often, I try to post every day or at least every other day. Don't forget to add your comments.....

Leave comments!

Everytime I go to BLOG, I check to see if there are any comments....and usually there are not. Thanks to Nomey and Matt and Jake for leaving comments thus far. Please feel free to leave comments on things you disagree with or that you agree with....come on it will be fun.


Also, check out Nomey's blog @ http://nomey.blogspot.com Its really cool to have someone to discuss postmodernism with and that is going through the same things that I am going through. Check him out!

The Christian Ghetto. You gotta love it. I have been a resident of the ghetto for far too long. I eat, sleep, dream - Christian. I have NO contact whatsoever with the outside world. Well, that is not true. I do have some contact with those that don't follow Christ. And to be honest, it is some of those relationships (as minute as they are) that are exciting and thrilling. That is why I loved Upward basketball so much. It was an opportunity for me to get out and meet community folks at least 2-3 times a week. Saturdays were awesome because I got to "work" the crowd and make some relationships with those that were there.

Its kinda hard to do evangelism when you live in a bubble. That's right, for the most part we live in a bubble. Lets take me for example. Up until Oct. 17, my life consists of sleeping, breathing and eating in Pellville. I get up, go to the office (which is at the church) and then go home. No interaction whatsoever. Now that is nobody's fault except my own. But outside interaction is not readily available. You have to pursue it.

We all are very similar. Oustide of our Christian friends, we rarely have any. We do "Christian" things like aChristian bowling league or we have "fellowships" or other church related events. Our whole life revolves around living in the Christian Ghetto or Christian bubble, whichever you prefer.

We put on our church t-shirt, get in our bumber sticker/fish bearing vehicle, listen to the latest in CCM (contemporary Christian music for the uninitiated) or Ray Boltz, meet up with our Christian friends, to go to a church softball game where after playing we will go to the local "Christian cafe" or restraunt where we will sit and "fellowship" for hours.

We pray without ceasing that God would remove us from the pagans that we work with. The ones that do nothing but cuss and talk about their beer and women. The ones that are desperately in need of a change. BUT....we want out. We don't want to stay. We want to find an environment where everybody knows and loves Christ....an environment where we can "fellowship" all day long.

Now do I think it is bad to work at a Christian dentists' office? NO. I don't think it is wrong at all. However, I do feel like we are in the wrong whenever we pursue employment based on wheter or not it is a Christian place. I also think it is wrong for us to leave our places of employment when God has clearly called us to be a witness to our coworkers.

The Christian Ghetto .....its not the place for me. God has called me to go into the world, not hide from it through Christian schools and Christian organizations. He has called me to go into the world and be a light for His glory. It is hard for ME to be a light in the world when I am not in it. Just as I don't shine a flashlight outside my house to see in my house, nor should I expect to make a difference in the world living in the bubble.

Christian Ghetto?

Is it just me or am I the only one that sees a HUGE Christian sub-culture in our society? I mean just look around and you will be surprised with what you see. We have our own bookstores, our own movies, our own music, our own candy, our own clothing and even our own Christian mechanics.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not trying to ridicule or put down any of the aforementioned things. Those things, in and of themselves, are not "wrong" or "bad." I like some Christian music and I liked the Passion. I go to Christian bookstores on occasion and I even think testamints are tasty.

There is, however, a truth to our "Christian ghetto." We have not taken the biblical command to go into the world, instead, we have retreated from the world. We have created a safe place for us and our children to live so that they don't have to interact with the world.

In the world but not of the world? Nope that is not for us. We don't even want to be in the world. We do everything we can to be separate from the world. If we are even close to anything in the world, we think it to be defiling.

But I think Christ calls us to interact with the world, not run from it. He calls us to engage with those that are not followers, doing so in a way that is biblical and right.

But I think that the ghetto has negated anything that we might do. We have cheesy sayings and cliches that are offensive to all that are not part of the club, oops I mean church. For example, those that stand outside and hold up a sign that says "Jesus Saves" do nothing constructive for our faith. Nobody sees that sign and runs out to get "saved." I am not even sure I like that word so much. Saved and lost are words that are potentially harmful to a discussion on Christ.

I am calling us to rethink everything that we do that could be potentially harmful to those who do not follow Christ. We need to make sure that we are not building walls but instead tearing them down. We need to be engagers with the world not haters.

That is funny. I just used the word haters. But its so true so I will keep it there.

More thoughts to follow soon......

Outside?

I think WE have a problem. We have a problem of looking at the outside of a person instead of the inside. You see, I can say "we" here because I too am in this group. I look at "looks."

Drew: Hello. I am a outside looker.
Group: Hello Drew

Seriously, I look at the "looks" of people and judge them accordingly. I know its wrong and it is something that God has been impressing on my heart. I see someone and think, "there is no way that person is a Christian." But why? Why do I look at someone and judge them accordingly.

First it implies that there is a right "look." Secondly, it endorses the world's perspective on things. Last, it shows how truly immature and fallen that I am.

Lord help me.

I don't want to be focused on looks. I don't want to judge a book by its cover. I want to get to know the person. I don't want to see tattoos and think that they are "lost" (gotta love that word, with all of its stereotypes) because of some ink on their arms. I don't want to see piercings and think that they are not followers of Christ.

Christ has no uniform look for His followers. They are different. Just like the song says, "red, yellow, black and white - they are precious in His sight."

I am learning, albeit slowly. What can I do about people judging looks? Well, the first thing I can do is search my heart and make sure that I rid it of all unrighteousness.

That is something we all can do. Search our hearts and rid them of unrighteousness.

I hope people don't judge me by my looks. I know that I probably don't always "look" right.

Election time!!

Election time is here and so are all the politics that go with it. Vote for Kerry, he cares for the working man! Vote for Bush, he has strong Christian morals! Vote for Nader, he's got a cool name!

Seriously, its that time again and I am wondering who I am going to vote for. Oh, you just assumed that I was going to vote for Bush? See what happens when you assume things....you are wrong!

Now you think I am a Kerry lover or Nader freak, don't you? That's not the case either. It's just this year, I am trying to make an informed decision. I want to make sure that my vote is going to the one that I feel is best qualified to be President of the United States.

This is prolly different than most Christians (conservative ones at least) that have already made their mind up to vote for Bush because "He is Pro-Life and against same sex marriage." In their minds, that is all that it takes for them to cast their vote towards him. Which, to be honest, is exactly what I did last election. I voted for Bush because it was the "right" thing to do and because he was "a good Christian guy."

So what has changed for me? Have I gone liberal? (Whatever that means!) Am I now a moderate because I am weighing the options? Nah, not at all. I just think I need to examine the different philosophies of the different parties. I need to examine and study what thier ideas are for the way that the country should be led. And all by the way, I need to examine the candidates themselves to see where they stand on issues. I believe their is an over-stereotyping of the two main parties.

It seems to me - please note that I am not a political expert, nor do I play one on TV - but usually you have people making their votes on two differnt issues. Either you vote for the party that benefits the "working" man or you vote for the Pro-lifer/anti-same sex marriage. You choose either or. OR, maybe that is just where I living.

Now don't get me wrong, the way you choose how to vote is totally up to you and I will not hold it against you. I am just trying to stress a point.

Maybe we should consider the other issues than the ones we hang on to so tightly. For example, why don't those who "scream" pro-life, examine the philosophy of governement and how the government should be operated. Can't we take a break and just weigh all the issues?

Maybe those that "scream" about the working man could stop and consider the morals of the man and his opponent?

I just think that it is time that we break out of the stereotype and start to think outside our political boxes and consider other things. Not to go liberal, nor to go conservative. Maybe its time that we put more thought into the upcoming election.

SO.........

Who am I going to vote for?


Wouldn't you like to know?

I don't understand. Do you?

I am having a hard time with all this. It is hard for me to understand "why" all this has happened this way. Why did God call me to Pellville for this to only end in such a fashion? Why does God see it necessary for me to have this illness and vice? Why did God call me into ministry to start with?

I have always been taught not to question God. Its wrong they tell me. It is not trusting Him. That makes me wonder. Wonder whether or not they are right? David questioned God didn't he? He asked how come God wouldn't destroy those who defile the temple/sanctuary and defile God's name.

Why? Tell me Lord, why? Why has all this happened? Why do I struggle with this depression that covers me like white on rice? Why do you not intercede into my life on my behalf, or better yet on Your behalf?

Man this is painful. It hurts worse than anything else before it. But somehow blogging makes me feel like I am getting it out. Maybe I am.

Thanks Levi for reminding me that I haven't blogged in awhile. This has helped.

I resigned...

Well, tonight has been one tough night. I informed both the church and the youth group that I am resigning, with October 17 being my last Sunday. It was probably the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. The love and support that this church has shown us has been unparralled. It has been great to serve and live here with these people. I know that God has great things in store for them and I pray and hope that my time here will add to the advancement of the kingdom of God.

Whew! Its unbelievable. I can't believe it. This is almost surreal. I am numb. But it was something that I must do.

I have been dealing with depression for such a long time now. This battle has been quiet at times and fierce at other times. It has been a calm battle and an intense battle. Depression, it stinks. Seriously, I hate it. I hate what it does to me. I hate everything that it controls in my life.

But like someone (actually many) have said, I can and will beat it. I have the support of a lovely wife and the support of awesome friends.....and the support of a church. We will prevail - FOR HIS GLORY.

Homosexual ban

I was thinking this morning about the nationwide debate on homosexual marriage. I was thinking about the whole issue of separation of church and state. In my mind, I am trying to decipher what exactly this means.

The first ammendment reads: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

There are so many different interpretations of what this means. There are ideas everywhere giving their interpretation of this ammendment. Discussions include the historical context for the ammendment. What did they mean?

I am not for sure what they meant.

I hear some Christians saying that they think that we are moving into dangerous ground if we let the government ban homosexual marriage. Others say that we are on dangerous ground if we don't ban homosexual marriage. I would be curious to sit in on a debate between these two different camps. Well, maybe not a debate but a discussion - a conversation.

What do I believe? Well, I do believe that homosexuality is a sin before the eyes of God. But I don't believe, like some of my brothers and sisters, that homosexuality is the "supreme" sin of our nation. I think for the most part, we (Christians) have become more homophobic than anything else. We talk about loving the person but hating the sin, yet I think too often we do just the opposite. Think about your personal attitude towards homosexuals right now. Are you loving towards them and willing to reach out to them? Or are you pretty "icky" about them and don't really want anything to do with them.

This is where I want to be careful. I know in my own heart, I have been homophobic and probably still have the tendency. But I also know that God wants me to love them and reach out to them. Most homosexuals don't know that God loves them. Seriously. All they see is "God's people" yelling at them, killing them, and telling them that they are wrong all the time. Now, yes I do understand that God calls us to stand up for what is right and what is wrong, but doesn't God call us to love and to be servants. I think homosexuals would listen to "Christianity" more if we would quit yelling at them, serve them, listen to them, and make friends with them.

I know I need to. God has called me to love others regardless of who they are. He did the same to me. I know my heart, yet Christ saved me. He reached out to me, a ragamuffin. Maybe, just maybe He wants us to be His hands and reach out to homosexuals. Not yelling and condemning but loving and caring. Then, maybe they will see Jesus in a whole new light and well we don't know what will happen after that. We can only hope.

I don't want same sex marriages to be allowed. I believe that marriage is a sacred event between a man and a woman. But when this comes to the whole "legal" arena, I don't know how to respond. I am not sure the legal aspects of this and therefore cannot say what is legal and not legal. I guess that depends on one's philosophy of law and religion. I know what my hope is, that they would see Christ in me and that I would be able to share the love of God with them.

Inerrancy of the Word?

Last night, I had a great conversation with Chris about whether or not one needed to believe in the inerrancy of the Word of God (Bible, scriptures) to become a Christian? If faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God then does that mean we must believe in inerrancy to be saved? How about this: we only know Jesus from scripture, but if scriptures are full of error then how do we know Jesus?

Now let me state from the very beginning that I believe in the inerrancy and infalliblility of the Word of God. I don't want anyone to get even the notion that I don't believe in the inerrancy of the Word of God.

That being said, I think that this is a good question: does one have to believe in the inerrancy of the Bible to be saved? I believe that this ultimately leads to another question: what does it take to be saved? Do we have to know certain doctrines? Do we have to say a certain prayer? Do we just believe and follow? Do we have to work for our salvation?

What does it take to be saved?

Here is a scenerio: a man lays on his death bed having grown up in a "liberal" church that does not believe in the complete inerrancy of the Bible. He never "believed" and was a member by name only. At his death bed, his pastor realizes that this man has never followed Jesus with a personal faith. The pastor then leads this man to believe in Jesus and trust Him for his salvation.
The man does so with a sincere heart.

Is he saved although neither the pastor nor him believe that the Bible is completely inerrant?

Well some questions that we may bring up are: can we know Jesus from a "tainted" and "error" filled Bible? Is that Jesus the Jesus of salvation? If the Bible is full of error then how can we know that the way to salvation is in fact not in error?

I have an answer to the question. Well at least an answer from my perspective. I believe that one is saved by believing in Jesus and trusting Him for their salvation, and in turn following Him. That is salvation. I become hesitant to say that we have to believe certain things before we can become a Christian. Can one here the gospel from someone who doesn't believe in the inerrancy of the Bible and be saved? Absolutely. Do I have to believe that the Bible is totally without error before I can be saved? I don't believe that one must believe that. Think of all those that are in Africa who never understand the concept of inerrancy of the Word of God. Think of when we share the Gospel, do we share that the Bible is God's Holy word and that there is no error in it? One must believe in Jesus and trust in Him alone.

Lets not make people believe certain things (Trinity, inerrancy, abortion is wrong) for them to become Christians. Lets let salvation be salvation.

Any thoughts? Leave comments.

God's Love

God's love is amazing. I sit here, not fully grasping it. Can I fully grasp it? It's too vast for me. Questions flood my mind, right or wrong. Why does He love me? I know me. I know the inside of my heart and the wickedness of it is embarrassing. I know the sinfulness of this ragamuffin and I can't help but be in awe that God would even consider loving me. Why?

I am overwhelmed this morning. I can't fully put into words what I am feeling. It's got something to do with God's love being too great and me undeserving. To think that this God of all the universe has an intimate love for me. Not just a passing love that we tend to have for others and not some limited love that we have...but a love that is infinite and everlasting. He loves me. He loves me for me. He doesn't wait on me to do my devotion to say "I love you." He has already said it in the work of the cross and longs for me to live in this great and awesome love. I don't have to "do" to be loved by God. It's not some love that you earn by the things that you do. It's a love that is beyond our comprehension. It's an unconditional love. Obviously, it's a love that is unfathomable.

This morning, my heart just wants God to know how much I love Him. It longs to express the affections that it has for its creator and sustainer. My heart longs to run to Abba and embrace Him with all that I am. I just want to express my love this morning.

Why do I have such a hard time? Is it my sinful heart that turns to idols and gods of this world? Is it my fallen nature? Is it my inability to fully express my heart's longings?

It doesn't matter. All that matters is: I love you God. You are my Father- my everything. Let this heart express its desires to rest in you and accept your warm embrace.

Crazy Weekend

This weekend has been a little hectic, or at least it seemed so. Friday me and Resa went out to eat at Tumbleweed (yum) and then went and got groceries. Oh yeah, we stopped off at Books A Million. I love that place. I could go there and hang out everyday. Always something to look at or read.

I love to read.

Anyway, Saturday morning I got up and went with Jake to the Hancock Invitational. I love going to watch my youth participate in things that they like to do. I think I had around 4 youth involved Sat. so it was really cool. The girls and the boys high school won and the girls middle school won second place. Overall it was a nice morning and I had a good time.

Saturday night, I went "out" with Jake, Matt, and Tim (Jake's roommate.) We went to the batting cages where we all took our turn swinging at little round balls with a round bat. And I am supposed to hit it squarely? Yeah right. It was fun. All three of those guys are great athletes so I felt like I was in great company. They all play collegiate sports so I was proud to be one of them. I got a couple of blisters on my hand from the bat. Man I miss that. I miss playing so bad. We then went to get something to eat and then we watched a movie at Matt's - Black Sheep with Chris Farley. He is too funny. Him and David Spade team up again in this movie. They work great together. It was a good evening. I had a good time. Good fun, good food, good conversation. It was all good.

I am tired today.

Brokenness?

This has been something on my mind as of late. Brokenness before God. What exactly does it mean? Think about it. Say it to yourself. Brokenness.

I think that this is one of those words that we have a hard time defining. I mean we all "kinda" know what it means. Let me tell you what I think of: I think of being completely "broken" before God. I think of ultimate humility and honesty about who I truly am on the inside. Not who I try to be and not who I appear to be, but who I really am. I recognize that before God, I am nothing. As Isaiah said, my good deeds are like filthy rags. As Paul said in Romans, there is none good no not one. I am in that category. And brokenness to me is the point you get to, not out of pride but out of true humility and authenticity, when you say "God, you are everything. I am nothing before you and you and you alone are worthy to be exalted. I am sinful and fallen. I present myself as this sinner to you, for you to love."

I long for this "brokenness." I long to be humble before God and to be able to be honest about what I really am on the inside. Although I know I am sinful, it almost seems like I live each day forgetting that I am sinful. Brokenness takes our heart and reveals the true desires. Brokenness shows that, apart from Christ, we are NOTHING! This is what I want. I want to get to the point where I can live each day in the truth of who I am and what God has done for me. I am not perfect. I can't be perfect. Yet I spend excessive energy trying to be just that way.

Why can't I just be broken?

This is a desire that has been continually building in me. Everyday, I think more and more on this topic. Sometimes it rules my thoughts. It needs to, to make up for all the time that I have pushed the thought of brokenness out of my mind.

Do you desire brokenness? Do you want to be left "open" before God and are you prepared for what will happen when you get to this point?

"Brokenness, Brokennness, it's what I long for. "